Woman Calls Out ‘Selfish’ Moms Who Say Mother’s Day Is Only For ‘Moms In The Trenches’ — ‘One Day You Won’t Have Your Mom Anymore’
Who should really be celebrated on Mother’s Day?
Adriaticfoto / Shutterstock.com Mother’s Day is a sweet celebration for many women and people in motherly roles. Filled with flowers, praise, gifts, and quality time, it’s a holiday that few people skimp on.
However, despite the importance that motherly figures have in our lives, certain TikTok creators argue that the only people who truly deserve the accolades and attention are “moms in the trenches” or those with young children.
So, who should be celebrated on Mother’s Day? Should young mothers have to share their time with mothers-in-law, grandparents, and extended family?
A woman called out a ‘selfish mom’ for saying Mother’s Day is only for ‘moms in the trenches.’
In a heartfelt response to a viral video regarding moms "in the trenches," a woman named Jill thoughtfully shared, “I think this is the most selfish and ungrateful position. It’s going to cause so much pain and sadness.”
A day to commemorate the hard work of mothers and other motherly figures in people’s lives, Mother’s Day has always been about centering community, love, and friendship. Whether it’s treating this special figure in your life to a meal, buying them a gift, or just sharing kind words or time with them, it’s a celebration of the hard work that comes with motherhood.
Especially given recent attacks on women’s reproductive rights and discourse about the barriers and challenges of motherhood, Mother’s Day is a necessary and special day to make space for these women. It’s exactly why a recent mother’s TikTok arguing that Mother’s Day shouldn’t be about “all moms” has gained so much traction in sparking debate.
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In her original video, Miranda Cornelius shared her thoughts in anticipation of the holiday. “Mother's Day is for the moms in the trenches,” she said. “It’s for the moms of the young kids. If she doesn’t want to spend the day with her in-laws … or cooking a meal, she doesn’t have to.”
Cornelius argued Mother’s Day isn’t for grandparents or mothers-in-law — ‘They’ve had their time.’
Despite what seems to be a misguided attempt to make space for young mothers and new moms to celebrate the day without the obligation of sharing their time with grandparents or in-laws, this mom stands wholeheartedly by her “unpopular” opinion. “By all means, send your mothers flowers, give them gifts … they don’t get left out, but they’ve had their time.”
Besides videos that have since surfaced, most of the commenters agreed that Mother’s Day can often be a burden. “Thank you!” one mom wrote. “I dread Mother’s Day every year because it’s basically a day to celebrate my MIL.”
Of course, Mother’s Day should be about recognizing moms with young children, but why should that exclude all motherly figures? It should be easy enough to communicate what you’d appreciate on the holiday and make space for everyone to feel loved and appreciated.
“I know that you deserve to have a beautiful Mother’s Day,” Jill added to her defense, “but the trenches? We’re not at war. We choose to have these children. They are a gift and a blessing. There are so many women who cannot [have children] and would love to.”
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It’s exactly this narrative that has hundreds of moms calling out the “selfishness” in Cornelius' video. Many people have lost their mothers or grandmothers and would put everything aside to celebrate them one more time. Why should having young children make you any more deserving of celebration?
Many other creators have weighed in on the debate, using stories of loss, courage, and compassion to argue that Mother’s Day is for ‘all moms.’
“My mom passed away when I was 19,” one woman commented under the original post. “I’d give anything for one more Mother’s Day with her. I say this as a new mom, too. You don’t stop being a mom because you now have grandkids … it’s a day for ALL moms.”
Karen, a grandmother on TikTok, relayed this sentiment, pointing out that mothering doesn't end when children grow up. If this mom was trying to calculate all the reasons why women like her shouldn’t be celebrated, well, this Karen brought the receipts.
From picking up grandchildren to sending gifts throughout the year, Karen argued that grandparents are still just as deserving of motherly praise on Mother’s Day. Maybe, they invited you over for dinner, babysat for your weekend away, or made sure that you were taken care of during postpartum — all ways that they supported you both as a person and as a parent.
Of course, as many pointed out, there are situations with absent parents or toxic mothers-in-law that don’t support this argument. You shouldn’t have to praise someone simply for their label on the holiday.
That being said, Mother's Day is a celebration of mothering in all it's forms. Mother's Day should celebrate the aunt who stepped in when your mom couldn't during your formative years. It's a day to honor the mom who still knows when you need a hug as a grown woman with kids of her own. It's a day to be kind to the women who are grieving the loss of a child or the inability to conceive.
Being a mom in the trenches is nothing to scoff at, but it's a moment in time.
Communicate your needs and wishes for Mother's Day no matter where you fall on the parenting plane, and don’t forget to spread some love to the people who supported you as a child and continue to support you now.
Zayda Slabbekoorn is a News & Entertainment Writer at YourTango who focuses on health & wellness, social policy, and human interest stories.