Mom's Husband Offers 'No Assistance' For Childcare Costs — Says She Should Work From Home To Take Care Of The Kids
She doesn't want to give up her new business to return to being a stay-at-home mother, but her husband refuses to offer any support.
George Rudy / Shutterstock Reliable and affordable childcare in the U.S. is incredibly difficult to find. One mom on Reddit is experiencing this firsthand, particularly because her husband refuses to pitch in or step up when it comes to taking care of their kids.
She's struggling to find affordable childcare for their children because her husband offers 'no assistance.'
In her Reddit post, she explained that her husband currently works outside of their house from 8:30 a.m. to 7 p.m. every day of the week except Sundays. While she used to be a stay-at-home mother to her 10-year-old stepdaughter and their two children, 5 and 1, she ended up going back to work around a year ago.
"I began cleaning houses to generate extra income to feed 'my' cats and buy household necessities," she wrote. "My business has built up pretty well and I currently have a full schedule of clients that I love and depend on me."
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Taking a step back from being a full-time stay-at-home mother has given her more purpose in life and fulfills her. She admitted to feeling proud that she's made a name for herself in her town based on the work that she does. However, since she had to do school drop-offs and pickups for her children, she couldn't clean more than one house a day.
Their main issue is finding reliable childcare for their youngest child.
"My grandma was watching her until about a month ago when she had to have a major surgery. I was able to find a woman that would watch her out of her home for $30 a day, but recently, there have been some issues that have made me uncomfortable with this arrangement," she explained.
Unfortunately, childcare costs are something that many families struggle with.
According to a 2022 survey from the Pew Research Center, about one in five parents who work at least part-time (19%) say they would be extremely or very worried about losing pay if they needed to take a day or two off work because of childcare issues, and 9% say they’d be equally worried about losing their jobs. Similarly, two-thirds of parents, 67%, spend 20% or more of their household income on childcare.
"Child care is claiming a disproportionate amount of household incomes, and a decade of rising child care costs should be a wakeup call that the system as we know it completely fails the vast majority of families," Tim Allen, CEO of Care.com, told CNBC.
This Reddit mother shared that she doesn't make enough money at the moment to send her child to daycare, and her husband not only refuses to pay for it himself but essentially offers zero assistance when it comes to childcare responsibilities and expenses.
He suggested that she start working from home to take care of the kids.
"He also does not want to pick up my financial responsibilities even though we truly do not need my income at all," she continued. "His only suggestion is that I find a job where I can work from home so that I can keep the baby home."
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She pointed out that while plenty of parents work from home with their children present, she doesn't think this option is viable for her.
"My daughter is extremely clingy when I’m around, and I just do not have the patience and attention span it would take to get anything done," she explained. "Not to mention the fact that I have spent so much time and energy building my business and working towards (and meeting) my goals. To throw that all away would be heartbreaking."
Her husband refuses to come up with any other solutions or offer assistance and argues that if she doesn't listen to him and work from home, then it will become a huge issue for their relationship.
"He is a very active father and partner when he is home, however, he has never been the primary caretaker so I just don’t think he understands what truly goes into the all-day-every-day caretaking," she added.
It's incredibly unrealistic and unjust of this husband to expect his wife to completely change her life and career just because he refuses to acknowledge his role in childcare responsibilities. Women and mothers have been carrying the heavier load when it comes to childcare and household responsibilities for far too long. It's time for a shift towards equal partnerships and parenting.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.