Motherhood Completely Changed For Me After I Followed These 4 Moms Online
They openly talk about generational trauma and emotional regulation — and I relate so hard.
Jill Krause My motherhood journey has been a typical case of "pride goeth before a fall."
16 years ago, pregnant with my first at age 26, I was confident parenting — just like everything else I worked hard at in life — was something I could ace, excel at, win. The plot twist I didn't account for was that motherhood was also something I couldn't walk away from once I realized I'd never be naturally good at it, like when I swore off ever playing basketball.
Motherhood is the hardest I've ever worked at something I could never get an A+ on.
As a former "gifted and talented" kid with ADHD (that went undiagnosed until I was 40), I only knew a life of chasing dopamine highs that come from achievements.
Consequently, most of my years as a mother I have felt deeply low, never able to accomplish living up to the standards of perfection I set for myself.
The last few years have been majorly disrupting for me and my kids — for better and worse — and there are people I've found and followed during this chapter of life who have fundamentally changed me as a mother in the best ways. There are therapists, trauma experts, somatic healers, reparenting coaches, and so many more. This post could become a novel if I list them all, so I thought I'd start with 4 other moms.
4 Moms I Found On Social Media The Last 2 Years Who Have Made Me A Better Mother
1. Maggie Nick | @MaggieWithPerspectacles
I stumbled upon Maggie when I saw her talk about "mom rage." It's a term and a feeling I am super familiar with, unfortunately. But, hearing her frame it in a way that made a clear line from my own childhood experiences to the hot frustration that bubbled in me when my kids behaved in certain ways was a real lightbulb moment.
Maggie also talks a lot about life for "good kids" who are now grown, and I relate so hard. I also really like that she offers actionable advice on how to hold ourselves accountable as parents, but always with a healthy side of grace and curiosity for what shaped us when we were children.
2. Eli Harwood | @AttachmentNerd
Eli started showing up in my feed a few months after I finished a 2-month intensive outpatient mental health program. I had finally, completely broken all the way down after a lifetime of holding myself together with dusty Scotch Tape — and a huge part of putting myself back together was figuring out how to love myself as a mother more. I knew I had to change how I was parenting my kids, but I didn't really know how.
I actually first started following Eli for her insight on attachment in romantic relationships. Her first book — Securely Attached — a guided journal about romantic relationship attachments just came out! But I quickly came to love her for the mother she was showing me I could be. To me, Eli makes "gentle parenting" look approachable.
3. Libby Ward | @DiaryOfAnHonestMom
Libby reminds me so much of me as a mom in my 30s, but in an "I wish I could have been more like her" way. She talks a lot about generational trauma, which is something I had no idea completely shaped me as a mother until very recently. And I'm honestly just so dang proud of her for doing all this really hard work while showing the world what that looks like.
It's refreshing and hopeful to see a mom like Libby navigate the unique challenges of motherhood while managing emotional dysregulation, and choosing herself over people pleasing. I'm cheering hard for her and every mom that can relate.
4. Destini Davis | @Destini.Ann
I've been in this motherhood chapter for nearly 16 years, but my youngest just turned 7, and I regret to report that I have still not figured out what I'm doing the 4th time around.
The youngest's nickname is "Danger Baby" and he only grows more and more into it. Somedays, parenting him feels like parenting for the first time. Destini is one of my more recent finds, and I eagerly followed her because she talks about parenting young, feisty kiddos in brilliant, to-the-point, and calming ways.
She also shares reminders that parents, especially of extra determined and energetic kids, need to hear — like that we can't shame ourselves into becoming the parents we want to be. I really wish someone like Destini was around when I was in this parenting-littles chapter the first time.
Social media has it's faults, but I can't deny the gift of suddenly seeing myself — and what I once thought were the unique struggles I was meant to carry silently — reflected back at me by moms who are not only relatable but also showing me how to love myself as an imperfect mother who will never "win" this achievement.
Jill Krause is a writer and content creator with a focus on maternal mental health and midlife reinvention. She’s a published author and has been recognized for her work by Time, Vogue, Washington Post, Us Weekly, Today, and more.