Mom Struggles To Support Her Daughter After The Girl's Grandpa Cut Her Off Financially When She Announced Her Transition
“She made her choices and now has to live with the consequences.”
Mafernavphotos / Canva Pro When someone is ready to come into their identity, they can only hope their family will be supportive. Sadly, that's not the case for everyone, and many will face roadblocks and challenges.
This was the case for one girl who decided she was going to come out to her family about her transition. And while her mom was willing to support her in every way she could, her grandpa was less than understanding.
The mom took to Reddit for advice after the girl’s grandfather cut her off financially when she announced her transition.
In an AITA post which was deleted but reposted to TikTok, the mom described her father as a “hillbilly boomer.” She explained how he never received a college education, but he dedicated his entire life to building his wealth by saving up and investing.
Because of his experience, it was important to him that his grandchildren pursue college degrees that could help them better succeed in life. So much so, that he helped each of them by contributing to their education financially.
The mom explained how her daughter, who attends college out of state, recently began her transition to female. Although the mom fully supports her daughter emotionally, she advised her to consider moving back home and looking into more affordable options for housing and college tuition. She sadly also told her to avoid her grandpa.
Her daughter was averse to this idea, expressing how she didn’t want to leave her friends and lose the peace of mind of having her own apartment.
“She said that her grandfather loves her and that she doesn't need my help since she has him. My dad loves her since she is his oldest grandchild and named after him,” the mom explained. “She said that I was trying to control her and change her mind. I wasn't, I fully support her, but I cannot afford an apartment in the city where she is studying.”
During a Christmas dinner hosted by her grandfather, the girl arrived dressed in her identity, and he kicked her out.
The mom said seeing her daughter made her dad “very angry,” to the point where he decided he would no longer support the girl financially and he kicked her out of his home. He went so far as to tell his granddaughter he would only be leaving her one dollar in his will and would split his inheritance with the rest of his “normal” grandchildren.
“I told my dad that he needed to accept that she was his granddaughter now,” the mom expressed.
Photo: Karolina Grabowska / Canva Pro
The mom did what she could to have her daughter’s back, trying to reason with her dad and gain the support of her brother, but her efforts were unsuccessful. She left with her daughter that night, unprepared for what was to come.
The mom shared how she was able to provide her daughter with two months of rent, but she wasn't able to contribute anything more.
The mom was planning to retire soon, but she said she might need to put it off so she could help her daughter with finances. Despite the mom’s supportive efforts, her daughter claimed it wasn't enough and the mom needed to cut her father off “to force him to change his mind.”
“I reminded her that I told her changes might occur because of her decision, and that those consequences cannot fall completely on me,” the mom expressed. “She says that I'm manipulating her. I'm trying my best in a situation I don't really understand.”
Reddit users assured the mom she was being a supportive parent and that her daughter needed to recognize her mother’s efforts.
“She needs to adjust and adapt. You shouldn’t put off your retirement,” a Reddit user commented on the post. “You gave options of moving home, a cheaper college, getting roommates and she is refusing to work with you.”
"You’ve done everything you can to support her with helping to pay for school and offering her a free place to live," another person added. "She needs to learn to make wise financial choices, and if that means moving in with you and going to college locally, so be it."
A difficult reality that many college students eventually need to accept is their transition to becoming financially independent.
The mom is going out of her way to be there for her daughter, but there’s only so much she can do, and the daughter must find a solution to her circumstances. This situation can be seen as an opportunity for her to develop independence and self-discovery without the cushion of her grandpa’s support.
Transgender individuals face some of the most difficult experiences in the LGBTQ+ community, such as struggling to gain family support, experiencing discrimination and violence, and fighting for their civil rights. In fact, many trans kids experience abuse and a lack of support from their families when they come out. They find themselves alone and under dire circumstances, needing to find their way on their own.
It’s unimaginable how this girl is feeling during this situation, and she is definitely taking on a heavy burden by losing her grandpa’s support and respect for simply expressing her true identity. She has been completely thrown off course, but she is lucky to have a mom who is willing to accompany her every step of this difficult journey.
Perhaps the grandpa will experience a change of heart one day and learn to accept his granddaughter for who she is, or maybe not. Regardless of his views, the girl has no choice but to figure out a way to support herself, whether she moves back home and pursues her degree at a more affordable college, or she gets a job, finds a cheaper place to live, and applies for financial aid.
Despite this painful transition, there are always options, and she can find a way to fulfill her dreams while embracing her identity.
Abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong. If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available 24/7/365 through The Trevor Project's TrevorLifeline by calling 1-866-488-7386, texting START to 678-678, or logging on to The Trevor Project.
Francesca Duarte is a writer on YourTango's news and entertainment team based in Orlando, FL. She covers lifestyle, human-interest, and spirituality topics.