Mom Deeply Concerned After Her Husband Says He Doesn’t Love Their 5-Year-Old Son Because He ‘Cries Too Often’
Her husband refuses to seek professional help because he doesn't think he needs to change.
fizkes / Shutterstock A mom admitted that she felt "helpless" and "depressed" after hearing the way her husband spoke about their son. Posting to Reddit, she claimed that her 37-year-old husband struggled to bond with their son since his birth, and it's only gotten progressively worse.
Her husband said he doesn't love their son because he 'cries too much.'
In her Reddit post, she explained that her husband admitted to not liking their son very much. He never bonded with their child after he was born, and now that their son is 5, her husband has a laundry list of issues.
According to the mom, her husband complains that their son "cries too much," has difficulty controlling his emotions, is a "spoiled brat" who doesn't care about "pleasing his parents," a picky eater, and is "pessimistic in nature."
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"He felt constant disappointment and disliked our son more and more," the woman wrote. "We also have a younger daughter he bonded instantly and adores dearly."
It seems this father might have forgotten that his son is only a toddler and that regulating emotions comes with age and experience. A toddler isn't going to be able to handle their emotions in the same way a 45-year-old man can — and frankly, it's a parent's job to teach them to do so.
Unfortunately for this dad, crying children is something of a normal occurrence and is to be expected when one becomes a parent.
Still, the mom claimed that despite his attitude about their son, he's a great husband and helps around the house quite a bit. He cleans and cooks for their children, but their son being a picky eater means that he often complains about the meals that are cooked for him. Again, this is another common occurrence among children.
If kids don't like a certain food, they'll make it known. And shocker! As a parent, it's your job to work around their picky habits and find foods that they can actually consume. It's just another aspect of parenthood — and memo this father apparently missed.
Recently, after his son complained about a meal, he confided in his wife that he actually doesn't love their son and was losing hope about ever loving him in the future.
The mom admitted that she felt extremely hurt after hearing her husband's words about their son.
"In my eyes, my son is a sweet, kind little boy," she wrote. "He cries and is sometimes picky about food, but these are all normal 5-year-old behaviors. I think my husband has unrealistic standards for a 5-year-old, and these unrealistic standards are making him unhappy, so much so that he can be depressed because of his interaction with our son."
She broached the topic of her husband potentially seeing a therapist where he could freely talk and work through his parenting issues, but he outright refused. He argued that it would be "useless" because he knows a therapist would ask him to change, and he doesn't think he needs to. According to him, it's his 5-year-old son that needs to change.
"On one hand, I tell myself it is a father-and-son relationship, and it is up to them to maintain the relationship and there isn't much mom can do," she said. "This thought saved me from constant agony and disappointment. However, I feel sad for my son that he has a father who doesn't love him and am worried how it would affect him. I feel sorry for my husband, too."
It seems her husband has a skewed idea of what boys should be able to do. As one commenter pointed out, "Expecting boys to restrain their emotions is so harmful."
It's frightening to think about what will happen when their son grows up, especially if he's hearing from his father that crying makes him weak or that showing emotion isn't an aspect of masculinity. By dismissing or devaluing his son's emotions, this father is sending damaging messages about masculinity and emotional expression.
Ultimately, this father must break down his own barriers when it comes to toxic masculinity before he can repair the already damaged relationship with his son. It will require introspection, challenging his already deeply ingrained beliefs — and, as much as he doesn't want to, going to therapy. Only then will he be able to create a healthier environment for his son to thrive.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.