Dad Who Lost His Daughter Doesn't Want To Include Her 'Horrid' Partner At Thanksgiving
He has every right to feel this way.
Alexander Raths / Shutterstock Few things in life are more painful than losing a loved one.
It feels like the holidays always serve as a reminder of that special person’s absence. One father’s grief has been compounded by the need to deal with his late daughter’s “horrid” partner.
A dad wondered if it's okay not to invite his late daughter’s partner to Thanksgiving dinner.
One father wrote to the “Dear Amy” advice column in The Washington Post for guidance on how to handle his delicate situation.
He explained that his daughter recently passed away in a traffic accident. For 10 years, she had lived with a partner who she eventually became engaged to. Unfortunately, he wasn’t excited to welcome his daughter’s partner into the family.
“He is a horrid and manipulative man,” he wrote. “I accepted that as an adult she could make her own life choices, however misguided I may think they are.” This dad was obviously not a fan of who his daughter chose to spend her life with.
After going through the unimaginable pain of losing his daughter, the dad has even more troubles to deal with. “Although she is gone, her former partner continues to consider himself a family member,” he wrote. “Thanksgiving is coming soon, and he expects that he will share a place at our table.”
Photo: pondsaksitphotos / Canva Pro
The situation is even more complicated because of the man’s other daughters, who seem to like their sister’s former partner and want to spend time with him, including at Thanksgiving.
Amy responded with tact and sympathy, saying that she “[assumed] that Thanksgiving [would] be a tough and possibly sorrowful day.” She was entirely on the dad’s side, as she wrote, “If you don’t want to share air with this horrid and manipulative man, you shouldn’t. It’s entirely your choice.”
Research backs up the father's feelings about not wanting to spend Thanksgiving with his daughter’s manipulative partner.
It’s important to remember that everyone grieves in their own way, and has a right to. Psychologist Dr. Wendy Lichtenthal told the National Institutes of Health, “People often believe they should feel a certain way. But… [it’s] hugely important to give yourself permission to grieve and allow yourself to feel whatever you are feeling.”
Additionally, it’s important to remove toxic people from your life. According to Blavity, “A huge part of ridding your life of toxicity is removing people that generate that type of energy.”
So, if you want positivity in your life, you have to get rid of any toxicity, even if it comes from people you care about. “[If] their poor qualities trump the good they’ve brought to your life then they may not need to join you in your journey.”
This certainly seems to be true in the case of this father. His daughter’s partner has not added anything good to his life and consistently brings negative energy to the table.
It’s important to remember that we all experience grief in our own unique, personal ways. This will look different for everybody. That does not make someone’s grief invalid or worth less.
It is also completely okay to remove people from your life who are not adding to it, but rather feel like they are only taking from you and your energy.
This dad should not have to go through Thanksgiving with his daughter’s former partner, who has added nothing remotely positive to his life.
Mary-Faith Martinez is a writer for YourTango who covers entertainment, news, and human interest topics.