How To Stay Deeply In Love With A Man — And Keep Him Wanting You, Too
Make sure your relationship is healthy for the long-haul.
getty In loving, healthy relationships, there is a balance of masculine and feminine energy that helps couples stay in love. But many successful women unknowingly cause problems in their relationship by allowing their femininity to be overshadowed.
Does this scenario sound familiar?
It's 6 p.m. and Lucy walks into her home from a busy day kicking butt and taking numbers at work to discover a pile of dirty socks on the floor. Her eyes lift but only to discover the bare feet of her dear husband passed out on the couch after a long day of something — well, let's put it this way, he's certainly not being Super Woman.
Lucy, a manager from the boardroom to the living room, launches, "Hi Stan. How was your day? I see. Did you forget to order dinner on your way home? I told you I would be coming home after you. I'm starving! I can't believe you!"
After more conversation, she tries to explain where she's coming from, but all she's getting is shut down. Stan dismisses her, hurling, "You're too emotional! Calm down. Stop telling me what to do!"
She feels defeated when all she's trying to do is make the relationship better. Lucy's missing something big time. She needs a secret weapon that, ironically, will disarm her mate and make his heart melt for her all over again.
But Lucy isn't alone, because scores of powerful, educated women worldwide are battling an epidemic: They are failing at real, true love. They attract unsupportive partners, or the passion fizzles out in long-term relationships.
It makes sense that these women feel frustrated and disregarded. The irony is that it seems like men’s behavior is the problem, but years of working with women in relationships have proven that men are simply matching and responding to how well a woman is connecting with them.
So what is this mistake?
Women are approaching their relationship the same way they approach their career success, which kills his romantic feelings.
What’s required for romance and passion is that one partner is in their masculine energy and the other is in their feminine energy. Masculine and feminine energy isn't about gender or sexual orientation. Both men and women have both masculine and feminine energies.
You can choose to be in your masculine or feminine as you go through your day, but to create passion and attraction in a romantic relationship, one partner chooses to be in the masculine and the other partner chooses to be in their feminine.
Masculine energy is:
- Strategizing logistics, making decisions and doing
- Analyzing and solving problems
- Providing
Feminine energy is:
- Feeling, receiving
- Intuiting, just being, following
- The spiritual practice of surrender and collaboration
Think about waltzing across the ballroom with your partner: He leads and you follow, but you also influence. He chooses the direction based on how you're expressing yourself, so you both feel good.
If you're with a masculine-energy man and he wants to make the plans, you can follow by collaborating. Respect his thought-out decisions when it feels good for you, knowing he wants you to benefit from the ease and comfort they provide. And lovingly express your desires when it doesn’t feel good, so you co-create together.
You are both equal; you’re just choosing to embody different ways of being.
We women make the mistake of trying to connect with a man through his mind, instead of connecting with his heart. A man can’t connect to us when we’re in our heads. We have to drop down into our hearts and bodies, and then he’ll drop down into his own heart, where we two become one.
When we can express our feelings, emotions, and sensuality in an inspiring way, instead of a demanding way, he feels compelled to please us, and take actions that make us feel good.
But what happens if we try to plan, strategize, and tell our man what to do?
Men really do want to please us, so he may not leave, but he’ll lose his attraction, feeling mothered and resentful. This snowballs into how he stops doing things for us women, and then we feel like we have to do everything!
Does this sound familiar to any of you? Do you find yourself doing all the chores, picking up after him, making plans, or generally acting like Super Woman because you fear that if you stop, then nothing will get done? If so, you’re in your masculine energy and over-functioning.
If you like being with a masculine-energy man, you need to learn how to express your feminine heart energy.
The journey to embody your feminine energy involves taking these 5 steps.
- Discover how to embody and express your own unique expression of radiance, no matter how you look, so you can mesmerize him with your inner beauty.
- Awaken your body to an experience of ecstatic aliveness, so you can find pleasure in the simple, mundane moments of your life, which inspires his devotion to your pleasure.
- Honor and really be comfortable feeling your feelings.
- Let him into the depth of your emotions without making him wrong and be deeply touched and moved by the beauty of your inner being.
- Learn how to fully receive all that he is already giving, so you can inspire him to fulfill your deepest desires.
In our culture, most women have forgotten how to simply just be and deeply cherish our own experience, without having to change it.
Just being is attracting rather than pursuing, intuiting rather than thinking. Don't try to please others or control or manage situations and accepting and loving everything that is — including our desire to change it — and allowing ourselves to be guided to co-create instead of control situations.
When you really learn to embody your femininity, you simply attract what you need from your man — affection, fun, great sex, romance, excitement, mutual support, harmony, emotional safety, a way to make decisions as a team, and a real soulmate connection with your man.
It is your embodiment of all these qualities that make up the feminine — that naturally and effortlessly attracts the masculine.
This is not about finding more clever ways to get him to do what you want him to do or about tricks. It’s about creating a true and loving partnership from your heart.
The woman's power comes from guiding the man into his heart. She does this by connecting to it first. Just as he leads in dance, she leads in diving into the heart space. She makes it OK to be sensual. She is strong and confident in being emotionally available.
Ladies, if you're looking for a way to feel powerful and assertive, it's not by directing and demanding, it's about being a leader in emotional heart-centered connection.
Remember Lucy? She was doing nearly all the chores, cooking, and caring for kids, while both she and her husband worked. She felt he wouldn't lift a finger unless she told him what to do. Sound familiar?
When I shared with her the loving strategy of doing less and watch how your guy steps up to the plate, she was skeptical at first. So I spilled another secret: Stop relating to him in a way that even implied that he was doing it wrong. (A challenge, I know!)
She learned to be more vulnerable and really feel her feelings — sadness, loneliness, longing — and to start connecting to her needs for partnership, support, and self-care.
She stopped doing everything and started nurturing herself, started getting nurturing from other women in her life, stopped resenting her husband, appreciated him for everything he did do.
She was shocked when he started stepping up more and listening to her feelings once he didn’t feel made wrong for them, and then they had conversations about how they could delegate and take care of the work together. It didn’t happen overnight, but once she started relating to her emotions differently, the relationship transformed.
Now, she feels cherished and their romance is alive once again.
So consider which of these feminine equalities you should embody in your relationship in order to experience a deeper connection with your man.
Valerie Greene is a unique relationship mentor who has been helping women attract, re-ignite, and sustain lasting love since 2005. You can download her free E-Guide, "Man-ifest Lasting Love," to unveil her simple, proven system for becoming irresistible to men.