Get the real story about forgiveness and how it can allow you to heal and let go of your ex.
By Susie & Otto Collins — Written on Feb 06, 2012
We've all heard about how important it is to forgive. This might be a lesson that your parents or religious and spiritual leaders taught you when you were a young child. In most people's minds, "forgiveness" is something kind and beneficial. It is also expected. As great as forgiveness is, few people genuinely do it.
Sure, you might say, "I forgive you" to a loved one when he or she inconveniences or hurts you, but do you really, truly feel it?
Moving on from pain and feeling betrayed is essential for the success of any relationship. Moving on from pain and feeling betrayed after a breakup or divorce is also essential—especially if what you want is to be happy and maybe even find love again. What trips up so many people is being able to move on. It's almost as if they are taken over by the anger, grief, sadness and other emotions. It's almost as if they can't help but re-live past events and conversations again and again. This might be what's keeping you stuck in your past relationship. Why You Can't Have A Happy Relationship Without Forgiveness
Forgiveness is a tool you can use to get un-stuck. Forgiveness can help you make peace with and release your ex and the relationship that ended...if you can get past the myths. Can't Let Go: How to Move On After Divorce
Forgiveness Myths:
"After forgiving, you have to pretend that you weren't hurt or betrayed."
"When your forgive, you are being gracious and kind to your ex."
"After forgiving, you now approve of what happened."
No, no and no! None of these common beliefs about forgiveness is true. One huge block that many people have to forgiving their ex for cheating, lying, saying hurtful words or simply not being a certain way is that they think they are sending a message with their forgiveness. They believe that, by forgiving, the message sent is that the past never happened or that whatever occurred is suddenly okay, even if it was actually very painful.
People also frequently think that the whole forgiveness thing is what one person does for the other person. This belief might feel especially averse if it seems like you've already given up and sacrificed so much for your ex who had an affair, lied to you and left.
Forgiveness Facts:
- Forgiveness is primarily for you.
- Forgiveness allows you to let go of anger, resentment and bitterness.
- Forgiveness helps you live more fully in the present moment.
- Forgiveness frees you for new experiences—including a new love relationship. 3 Ways To Open The Door To A New Relationship
Next: The positive power of forgiveness...
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