How To Help Her Reach Orgasm

Newsflash: Nobody gives anybody an orgasm. Contrary to the popular belief that you, as a lover, are supposed to give your sex partner an orgasm, you're not. You can't. Every person—man or woman——is in charge of realizing climax. Sure, you can support the process, but you’re not in the driver’s seat.

That said, how does one help a woman to reach orgasm? With her pleasuring often of great concern, many men make this their mission. While the onus ultimately falls on her, there are ways that her lover can provide some critical assistance.

Take your ego out of everything.
Don’t think that you have to be the leader when it comes to lovemaking, "delivering" a woman with pure bliss and the ability to hit heaven every time you intertwine. Releasing yourself from such thinking will turn your sex sessions into moments of sharing versus acts of serving each other. This takes a lot of pressure off of your shoulders, making for a more relaxed romp. Instead of sex feeling like work or an all out chore, it will start feeling like play.

Encourage her to take a more active role during sex.
You can blame the Victorian era for a number of current beliefs lovers still have about sex. It perpetuated this belief that men, as the dominant gender, are to guide women, who were largely seen as frigid, through sexual situations. If either of you have bought into this myth, then you need to learn to let go of old beliefs about female orgasm.

In taking on that responsibility, embolden her to step out of the subdued lover role she’s been socialized to take. Encourage her to move more, to get on top, to make more noise, to play with herself during thrusting, to use a vibrator… basically, to break out of her shell and own her sexual self!

Respond to her desire for more sexual attention.
Whether it's outright flirting or something much more subtle, take advantage of moments when she's letting it be known that she's in the mood. Even if they aren't the most convenient, carpe diem in taking advantage of how amazing the moment can be given she’s in the right headspace, letting herself embrace sexy feelings. Nothing can shut down one’s sexual response cycle and interest faster than being rejected. Stoking her libido will only have bigger rewards for you in the long run.

Create a safe, relaxed environment for arousal.
Whether it's your own bedroom or you've whisked her away on holiday, let your imagination run wild in creating the context that could be ideal for getting carnal. Play up any elements to fantasy scenarios she daydreams about, perhaps adding to a space with candlelight and mood music. Guarantee that there will be no interruptions and that there's ample privacy.

Finally, make sure that the energy you're giving off reflects the sensualism of your efforts. Some women need or prefer emotional elements like love, acceptance, patience, playfulness and humor in getting sexually active. The more you can do or say to cultivate such a synergy, the more she'll be able to let go and enjoy. Keep Reading...

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Avoid rushing her arousal and savor her body.
While a lot of women like the occasional quickie, a lot of them also like more leisurely lovemaking. So, give her the time she needs to get sexually excited and fully aroused, allowing plenty of time for foreplay. Don’t go for the gold in grabbing at her breasts or genitals rather work her whole body, worshipping it. Attend to every part, letting her know how much you're enjoying yourself, first with massage oil, then with lubricant as you zero in on prime hot spots.

Don't try to take control.
If her orgasm is meant to happen later than sooner, resist the temptation to "save the day." Think about how disruptive it would be for you to have lost yourself in sexual sensations only to have a well-meaning partner grilling you about where you're at, when you're going to get to the next level and what she can do to help. Allow the process to unfold. Focus on maintaining feelings of passion.

Find our how she wants to coach you, if at all.
While it's nice to ask for feedback, checking-in as to whether a certain technique, touch, pressure… feels good, this can be disruptive to some women. Have the conversation on best ways to share reactions to the action before seduction even starts.

Be receptive to her feedback.
It's important to remember that every person is different when it comes to their pleasures, likes and preferences. So listen to your partner's requests, being open to what she's telling you, and adapting your style accordingly. What might've worked with a previous partner isn't working for her— a matter not to be taken personally—and you need to follow her directions in helping her claim her big "O."

Honor her request to practice safer sex.
Worries about getting pregnant or acquiring an STD can have some women more in their heads than in their bodies. Using a condom or dental dam can help to put her at ease and to focus on the pleasuring.

Talk to her about any pressures to perform that you're feeling.
A lot of women expect men to be the master conductor of sex sessions, from initiation to heating things up to a grand finale. If these are her expectations, let her know how you feel and how such notions are impacting your performance. Frame everything about what you need for her to do for you in empowering you to better satisfy her. Remind her that you don’t do "it," as in orgasm, to her or for her. You do it with her.