5 Signs Your Husband Is Gay

As written by a gay man who used to be a husband.

By Rick Clemons — Written on Nov 23, 2022

Photo: Prostock-studio / Shutterstock

Is your husband or boyfriend gay?

From the onset, I want to make one thing perfectly clear,

Knowing for sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that your husband is gay is next to impossible until it’s a reality.

Take me for example, and many of the “married but gay” clients that I work with, until we grow the balls to say, “Frankly my dear I’m gay,” it was pretty hard for most people to see it. Of course, there’s a whole subconscious layer of denial that prevails in the “gay but married to a heterosexual” world — for all concerned!

Most straight spouses who’ve been married to someone who finally ventures out of the closet (or is on the 'down low') will admit upon reflection that they had some inkling that something just didn’t fit in their relationship – no pun intended. Simply acknowledging a disconnect or a misalignment in the relationship doesn’t necessarily mean he’s gay.

However, in most cases, there are signs that heed the warning that the man you love is more attracted to men than to you.

Here's a TEDxTalk video from a woman who found out her husband was gay.

Here are 5 signs your husband is gay:

1. He's overtly homophobic

As the media has shown us over and over again, many a man “comes out” by being forced out due to their blatant disdain towards homosexuality. Tangled in their own web of lies Mark Folley, Ted Haggard, Phil Hinkle, and Jim McGreevey all played their “no gay me for me cards” only to be caught with their pants down with individuals of the same sex!

While not a 100% guarantee that your man’s playing for the other side, it does make you wonder, “Is he really that insecure, or is it a cover-up?”

2. He's overly evasive or secretive

Whether it’s protecting their emails and texts, or always changing the subject about where they’ve been, if your man is uber-sensitive in these arenas, then there’s a good chance that one of two things is up:

He’s having an affair or
He’s gay and hiding his truth

(Of course, the third possibility is he’s gay and having an affair with a man.)

No matter what the reality is, something’s come up and it’s getting in the way of your relationship, so it’s time to get to the bottom of it – for the good of both of you!

3. He subtly checks out other men

This one’s pretty straightforward – you catch your man checking out other men. Doesn’t matter if it’s in public, pics in magazines, or on the 52” screen of your home theater. When his eyes linger with hunger and desire on a fine specimen of the male species... something’s stirring (admittedly, it could be a simple “Bromance” — man-to-man admiration).

4. He can't get it up

Erectile Dysfunction (ED) is either self-induced or the real deal. In the case of a man who’s fighting his core sexuality, it’s not uncommon for his spouse and her desires for sexual intimacy to be told to take a number and wait. Even special occasion sex (of the birthday and anniversary kind) gets wrapped up in the excuse of “Not now I’m really tired!”

Regardless of the reason, doing a little extra homework in this area to uncover the true reason for the lack, will help to reveal the truth and might just provide some intimate fun along the way!

5. His grooming habits shift

Even Peg Bundy would have perked up and thrown her sexual overtures at Al if he’d strutted into the room looking like Ryan Reynolds or Bradley Cooper. Often, his slightest shift in grooming, clothing style, and time spent at the gym leads to an extreme makeover that still doesn’t guarantee that Al’s heading back to your boudoir.

If your man’s looking finer than he ever did in college, leave some room for his own desire to better himself, but don’t be so naïve that it’s all just for his own good. He may be making himself good for the other man in his life!