The Breakup Detox: How To End Things When You're ADDICTED To Love

Love is a drug. Some drugs make you happy––others drive you mad.

Despite how much you loved this man, you’ve finally determined that things just aren’t working. You made a logical decision––the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make––but that doesn’t make not loving him any easier. He was your best friend. His hugs gave you comfort. His smile lit you up. His touch made you quiver. You're officially addicted to his love.

Being that addictions rule over your emotions, it’s hard to rationalize them. You want to reach out to your best friend to talk about it, so you text him. When he starts texting you back, you tell each other you won’t talk anymore––that you’ll give each other space––but it’s two weeks later, and you’re still “talking things out”.

Going in circles, nothing has changed. You’re blinded by love, you justify your actions and you keep looking forward--hoping that everything will magically fix itself.

Kick the habit and get rid of your addition to him by following these 9 Breakup Detox steps to a better, healthier, more sane YOU:

Step 1: Delete everything

Unfollow him on Facebook and other social media sites. Untag or hide pictures from public view. Archive him in Dropbox or the Cloud. Do the same with texts and emails. Remove him from your call list favorites, or use an app that blocks him. The less you have to see him and be reminded of his presence, the less  you’ll want to contact him again.

Step 2: Plan

Plan some time to spend with your favorite friends and family, or do something that makes you feel good. If you used to spend a lot of time together (or worse: lived together), it’s probably hard spend time alone at home. Keep yourself busy and surround yourself with people who support you.

Step 3: Feel

Let yourself feel and be emotional. Go ahead and let out a good cry. Breaking up sucks, plain and simple. You can even allow your friends to help you talk things through. It’s okay to have someone see you at your lowest as long as they have your best interests in mind.

Step 4: See the sign           

You recognized it when you made that logical decision, and now you need a literal sign. One of the stages of grief is bargaining, and we tend to want to rehash what happened to figure out a way to regain control. Try writing out all the reasons why you shouldn’t be together anymore. Below that, write, “Accept it. Let it be.” Put it up somewhere where you’ll see it during the day so you can reassure yourself of your decision when you’re doubting yourself.

Step 5: Get clarity on the future

Write down what you’re looking for in your next relationship. The must-haves he may have been lacking or the views that just didn’t sit right with you––anything that might have led to the breakup. But, write them as positive qualities your future partner should have.

Step 6: Take responsibility

There’s always a lesson to learn from every relationship that ends. How will you grow from this? Take a look at what made you stay so long in a relationship that didn’t work and think about what you might be able to do next time to make a relationship more successful. Where do you need to improve? Why did you choose this type of person? Is there something you could have done better?

Step 7: Be selfish

There are times when our own well-beings have to take precedence over the friendships we have and our commitments to others. It’s natural to want to be there for the man you used to love––he’s probably hurting too––but you can’t be. As long as you are there for him, you can’t move on. This is when you have to be selfish and commit to yourself to move on.

Step 8: Release those endorphins

After looking at brain scans of people who went through recent breakups, researchers found trying to let go of an ex is like dealing with a drug addiction. It feels that way because you’re missing those endorphins. But love and sex aren’t the only ways to feel a rush of endorphins. Watching a funny movie, exercising, chocolate, spicy foods and the scent of vanilla are some simple ways you can release the endorphins your body is craving.

Step 9: Be grateful

Write down the things you’re grateful for in your past relationship. Anger and bitterness linger a lot longer in your psyche than being thankful, so make sure those negative emotions don’t come out on top. Instead, there’s always something to be grateful for. Whether it could be a lesson you learned or a contribution he made to you––even the simple fact that he loved you back at some point. Remember that and fill your day with something positive.

Breakups are hard because we tend to be more connected to the emotions of loss and hurt as we go through them. Following the Breakup Detox will keep you connected to what happened vs. how you feel about it. Staying connected to the cause of the breakup will give you clarity and the ability to move on, faster.

Ravid is a dating & relationship coach. If you're going through a breakup or are ready to get out there, but don't know how to deal with it all, consider my personal coaching. Get your free 30 minute consultation here. My gift to you!