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Use your strengths. Yes, you have them!
By Randy Skilton — Last updated on Dec 08, 2022
Can a shy guy learn how to get a girlfriend?
The answer is a resounding "Yes!" — if they follow the right dating advice.
For shy guys, the challenge of dating is more an attribute of their beliefs of inadequacies than lack of attraction from the girls.
Shy guys feel as if they are at a disadvantage when it comes to dating and finding girlfriends. Since they are not naturally inclined to chat people up and make small talk with strangers, shy guys believe their odds of finding girlfriends are much lower than for the more outgoing guys.
Shy guys may spend so much time stressing over what they cannot do that they completely ignore their strengths. They may even perceive themselves as sexually unattractive.
Experts affirm that shyness can be a limiting belief that sabotages love lives. Even when a shy guy has a thriving career and enjoys financial success, he often still does not see himself as sexy.
Deep down, he is still not confident that women are sexually attracted to him. This "sexual unattractiveness" is a result of faulty stereotypes. It has little to do with objective reality.
According to research, 40-50 percent of adults self-identify as having some degree of shyness. This statistic proves that shy people are more common than we probably think.
Indeed, according to Forbes, 40 percent of executives describe themselves as introverts. The list includes Microsoft's Bill Gates, Uber investors Warren Buffet and Charles Schwab, Avon's CEO Andrea Jung, and the late publishing Mogul Katherine Graham. It has been said that the former U.S. president Barrack Obama might be a shy introvert as well.
Do girls like shy guys?
Shy guys possess one particular advantage over outgoing men — they can be mysterious. This is a definite plus compared to over-talkative guys who run their mouths and overwhelm girls, leaving very little to the imagination.
Girls like shy guys mainly because they are intrigued by you and are willing to spend time with you to unravel the mystery. Girls feel safe and confident around shy guys. Shy guys are also a girl's dream conversationalist.
On the other hand, some girls may view a guy being shy as a negative because it may be too much work to get him out of his shell. They may want a ready-made guy to show off to their friends, not someone that they have to coax into being social.
If she is outgoing, she may prefer a guy that can immediately can match that energy.
There is nothing inherently wrong with you that would prevent you from meeting and having a great relationship with an amazing girl. With a few well-considered strategies, you can get a healthy, long-lasting relationship going.
Indeed, smart girls know that shy guys are diamonds in the rough.
A shy guy may have difficulties initiating a relationship but little trouble maintaining intimacy. Once you've met your dream woman, you are at no significant disadvantage in maintaining the relationship.
Are you asking yourself, "Why can't I get a girlfriend?"
If you are shy, remember that you are in good company. And chances are if you do not approach the girl, the next shy guy will.
How to get a girlfriend if you're a shy guy
1. Dig deep to identify and show your strengths.
Contrary to what you think, you have more great qualities that make you attractive to girls than you think.
If you are a great listener, it's what sets you apart from other guys. You would rather learn from others than share your stories. As long as you listen closely, ask to follow up questions and show interest, you will be amazed at how easy it is keeping a conversation with a woman going.
You're not all about you. The fact that you do not always have to be the center of attention is also super attractive to girls.
It is also a known fact that shy guys are also deep thinkers — a hot commodity. The fact that you think deeply and critically about life shows you have emotional intelligence and a creative mind, which girls find interesting.
You are mysterious and the fact that you are reserved means that you are full of surprises and conversation with you is never boring. She learns information about your life a little bit at a time.
A woman would rather be with a guy with a few secrets up his sleeve, instead of a man who lets everybody know everything about him immediately.
Girls indicate that shy guys are less intimidating. You may not believe this, but girls can be intimidated by guys. An introverted guy who does not ooze obnoxious confidence is more enjoyable to be around.
2. Work on projecting confidence through your body language.
Just because you are not good at flirting, verbally, does not mean that you cannot flirt.
Do you slouch when you walk? Do you awkwardly shove your hands into your pockets? This body language is counterproductive to your efforts at finding a girl.
Make it your purpose to build a strong, confident body language and you will begin to feel more confident. Ensure that you smile and smiling makes you feel less anxious and more positive.
Learn to speak in the vocabulary of your body language. While other guys are busy rattling off cheesy pickup lines, you should be busy giving her a friendly smile — she will definitely notice that!
Once you've worked on your body language, dress for success. The right sense of style can give you an added boost to help you project confidence. A strong sense of style will help you make a great first impression, which can open the door to a girl wanting to know more about you.
3. Practice showing up in your authority with power poses.
Holding your body in poses that occupy space floods your brain with powerful chemicals that help to lower stress and increase confidence, according to research.
Projecting strength is possible even when you feel anxious and nervous: upright posture, controlled gestures, a leveled brow, a focused gaze, a low vocal pitch, and minimal fillers.
Take baby steps. When you set out to find a girlfriend, do not expect to master the art overnight. Start small and then expand your comfort zone a little every day.
Drop the habits that keep you isolated, lonely, and antisocial. For example, you can stop playing video games — ditch the computer and exchange it for human interaction.
Start approaching girls: simply push your comfort zone a little at a time. It will be nerve-wracking at first, but you will slowly build your confidence.
Start with asking directions like, "Can you point me out to the nearest Starbucks?"
Then move on to asking girls for their opinions in a department store. Approach a girl and ask them for a female’s opinion: "Hey, can you help me out? I need a girl's opinion. Between these two shirts, which one is better?"
Be consistent. You will feel awkward, nervous, and uncomfortable and sometimes you will be scared. Comfort will never get you a girlfriend. Discomfort is good.
Allow your discomfort to lead you to an amazing girlfriend. Discomfort tells you that you are headed in the right direction. Keep moving.
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4. Start where you are most comfortable.
Don't make it hard when it can be easy. Start with your places of comfort and then you can expand once you've gained confidence. The strategy is to expose yourself to places where you can be yourself, where the quiet, reserved, kind, compassionate person like you can be noticed.
You will probably be more comfortable approaching girls in parks, quiet streets, and libraries than at clubs, crowded events and concerts, and parties. Spiritual communities, volunteer organizations, and cooking classes are some of the forums where you can hope to meet girls who share your values, lifestyles and personal energy.
The wrong environment leads to horrible results because you feel horrible in that environment.
Stop thinking about how to meet any girl. Think about how to meet a girl who is right for you. In your quest to meet a girlfriend, it is crucial that you put yourself in situations where you can meet girls who you are compatible with.
If you are shy and introverted, there is every likelihood that the girls you meet in nightclubs and ‘single people events’ will not be compatible with you.
5. Make your dating life an expansion of your social life.
The best way to date without stress is to make your dating an extension of your social life. For instance, being introduced to a girl by a friend is still one of the many ways guys get to meet girls.
It removes all the nervousness of meeting a stranger for the first time on your part and settles issues of security for her.
And you already have something in common: mutual friends.
6. Don't give up when progress moves slower than you hoped.
Here is the truth: it will not always feel good. Girls will sometimes flake on you; you will not always get the kiss you hope for, and you might even be rejected.
And it sucks! All these experiences are necessary for your growth. There are no ups without downs. And there are lessons in the valley just as there are on the mountain.
Do not allow relapses to sabotage your success. Fix your eye on the prize and keep moving.
Now that you know how to get a girl to like you, remember that you have what it takes to get a girlfriend. But only if you persevere.
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Randy Skilton is a teacher and educator in the area of dating and relationships. He has a Graduate Diploma in Technology Education and an Advanced Diploma in Social Science.