What Real Love Specifically Looks & Feels Like
Deprogram yourself from fairytale myths of love.
Peopleimages.com - YuriArcurs | Canva The hugely popular Disney movie Frozen portrays a young woman swept off her feet by a handsome prince after only one day. Romance movies and novels create an impression that love at first sight is the norm in love and relationships are based on high chemistry and strong mutual attraction and feelings. It completely bypasses the process of relationship formation, establishing a strong foundation of mutual love, respect, and trust and creating a lasting friendship with the person you may want to commit to. Everything we put into our mind, whether it is visual images or the written word, stays in our subconscious and builds particular mindsets that make up our perception of what real love looks and feels like.
Here's what real love specifically looks & feels like:
1. Intensity is not a sign of genuine love
It is important to remember relationships need time to mature and go through the steps of dating to determine if that person is trustworthy, honorable, respectable, and possesses high integrity. Many people tend to romanticize love and believe they will intuitively know the right one when they meet by chance.
2. It's not a fairytale
Whirlwind romances are so appealing because they boost the ego: You are put on a pedestal, treated as a cherished object of love, and given gifts and flowers, perhaps even over-the-top outings, trips, and dinners to lavish places. Intuitively, you probably know this type of treatment is not sustainable nor does it lead to substance. It is the icing on the cake and very superficial but fun and glamorous. It's easy to rationalize away thoughts of why this person is so enamored without knowing much information about you. Additionally, there is not much effort on your part. It is a one-sided experience.
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3. Don't ignore the red flags
While the media loves to portray women needing a white knight in shining armor who will swoop in and rescue her from a boring, monotonous life, it is not authentic and should not be your aspiration for commitment. It's easy to be susceptible to and attracted to men who make huge displays of affection and create an urgency about spending as much time with you as possible.
High chemistry relationships have some similar components such as:
- Pushes for quick emotional and physical commitment
- Rushes to define the relationship as exclusive
- Overwhelms you with attention, affection, and gifts
- Talks of inclusion: plans, vacations, activities
- Quickly introduces you as a couple to friends, family, and children
- Conversations tend to center on topics that established couples engage in, such as the number of children, where to spend holidays, house hunting, etc
The most romantic relationship you will ever experience is the one you nurture over time with someone who treats you with the love, honor, and respect you deserve. They will be emotionally trustworthy, stable, and devoted to your shared life. They will be dependable and those positive character traits are more desirable and romantic than any idealized grand gesture.
Nancy Pina is a highly recognized author, relationship coach, and speaker. She is dedicated to helping individuals attract emotionally healthy relationships.