When A Man Asks For Space, Dating Expert Says There's Only 4 Reasons For It
The key for you is to handle his need for space in a way that's respectful and dignified.
jpfotograaf | Canva Is the man you love ghosting your relationship? Maybe he's even said that he needs space. Or he claims nothing's wrong, but he just doesn't return your texts and seems to be a lot busier than he was in the early stages of dating?
Before you convince yourself that he has one foot out of the relationship, ask yourself if you truly believe that he's capable of commitment and a long-term partnership. Also ask yourself if you feel, on a gut level, that he truly loves you and wants a relationship with you.
If you feel confident that he's an emotionally available man and is in love with you, then this space could be a good thing. But if you feel doubtful that he can love you, then it's time to say goodbye.
When a man pulls back or carries on like he needs space, it can mean that he is so serious about the relationship that he needs time to assess his feelings and decide whether the relationship is healthy for him long-term.
The key for you is to handle his need for space in a way that's respectful and dignified. It's okay to communicate your feelings (like in a letter) or to ask him questions about what he's thinking. But don't smother him and don't make him feel guilty and accused.
When a man asks for space, dating expert says there's only 4 reasons for it:
1. Avoid clinging to him when he needs space
When he needs space and you feel down about it, don't punish him by withdrawing yourself or accusing him of being emotionally unavailable, and don't start to cling.
When a man pulls back, it's natural to feel like your world is suddenly shaken up. This feeling can bring up abandonment issues and it can make us panic about losing him.
Why do people have abandonment issues? Research tells us it has to do with how our parents treated us as youths. If we feel abandoned by our parents, it will cause us to reenact that with future partners.
When we feel panicky and scared, we reach out. We start to express love and profess devotion, and we apologize for past injustices on our part. However, this is a form of rewarding bad behavior.
You don't want to give a man more attention when he needs space; do this when he's trying to please you and is available to love you. Sometimes we take those good-behavior moments for granted and you mustn't do.
2. Focus on re-directing your core
It's common when a woman falls in love that her energy core begins to revolve around him, like the Earth around the sun.
When your man needs space, this can be a beautiful opportunity to re-direct your energy core toward things that were important to you before the relationship swung in and altered everything.
Focus on loving yourself during this time, too. Be gentle with yourself and provide room to feel all of those panicky feelings. Don't act on them, but feel them; be a witness to them happening inside you and respect them without self-judgment.
You can also make a conscious effort to learn some self-soothing skills so that you're less inclined to call him and are better equipped to deal with rejection and uncertainty in other areas of your life.
3. If he returns to you, take your time to make a healthy decision
When a man would take space in my relationships, I was always so happy to hear from him that I'd run to take him back. Please learn from my experiences and take things slow at first.
Don't put up emotional walls or be difficult but be honest about how you've been feeling and about your fears for the future.
He must understand that he can't take space again for that long or with that much lack of connection. Explain to him that it's something that erodes your trust.
Talking to him about this when he comes back to you and is more clearly available to hear you and respect your needs will give you a chance to feel empowered and will help the relationship heal.
Pexels / Ketut Subiyanto
Don't make him test out or tell him that he has to work hard to earn your trust again. Just have a conversation, explain your fears and worries, and honor any need you have to take things slow.
4. Avoid mixed signals and dramatic behavior
When you force yourself to slow the reuniting process, you avoid the "one foot on the brakes, one foot on the gas" routine. You stop yourself from running to him and then getting insecure and scared at the same time.
The "one foot on the brakes, one foot on the gas" routine will make you act neurotic and over-emotional, and you won't feel in control or proud of your actions in the relationship. I want you to feel good about yourself no matter what he does. So, drive slowly with cruise control.
Kristina Marchant is a writer and author with a BA in psychology from Barnard College at Columbia University. She is also a relationship coach who advises women on men and healthy relationship skills.