5 Unsexy Topics To Never Bring Up On The First Date
Free dating tip: Don't talk about babies or politics.
Dean Drobot, Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock In the movies, finding a wife or a husband seems so easy … about as easy as reading a script.
Yet, in real life, the fairy tale isn't always smooth sailing. Rather, it's a story of bumps, bruises, setbacks, and a willingness to fight for the person you love.
It's a story that is true to life, and one where first dates take up space on the very front page.
Because first dates serve as the beginning of your fairy tale, they’re beyond important: They can mean the difference between "happily ever after" and "I hate you and just threw your brand new TV out the third-story window."
This is why knowing what not to talk about, as well as what to bring up, is vital.
Here are unsexy five topics to never bring up on a first date:
1. Politics
It's beyond trite to recommend that people don't talk about politics on a first date, yet it's true. The reason for this is simple: You believe what you believe. Your date believes what they believe.
Discussing it is not going to change either person’s views. Instead, bringing up politics can cause animosity, and disgust, and end the date before it really has a chance to begin.
This isn't to say you can't talk about current events or news items, but don't reveal just yet that you are president of the Tucker Carlson Fan Club or that — while protesting on Occupy Wall Street — you didn't shower for two full weeks.
2. Your ex
Everybody's ex is a jerk. You are not alone in your hatred for them.
However, if you repeatedly bring up your ex on a first date, there's a good chance one of two things will happen: You will seem as if you are not completely over them, or you will come across as bitter and defeated by romance.
Either impression is not really one that leaves others wanting to know more.
3. Your dodgy background
Everyone has a past. Some are as clean as a whistle. Others are as checkered as Grandma Sally’s handmade quilt.
If you fall into the latter category — you've spent some time in jail, you've had a restraining order out against you, you're forever banned from the local mall for peeing in the fountain — a first date isn't the best place to air out your dirty laundry and admit it.
You see, we build to that.
4. Your biological clock
We all have a biological clock ticking away like the pocket watch from Peter Pan. Women probably hear the ticking a bit louder, but men aren't exempt from the realization that — like it or not — time forever marches.
Still, while it's important to talk about wanting kids at some point, the first date is not that point.
Fall in love first, and then worry about playpens and baby powder.
5. Your favorite sex position
Whatever your favorite sex position may be, the first date isn't the best place to bring it up.
If you are a guy and you bring it up, you risk making your date feel like a piece of meat. If you are a girl and you bring it up, you risk giving off an impression that some men might see as a big turn-off.
So, it's best to reveal your sexual preferences a little later on in the relationship.
Here are three things you could talk about on a first date
1. Religion
Yes, I know, I know: Religion is almost always labeled as "off-limits" during a first date.
Yet, there is a time when it should be discussed as early as possible: If you are religious and only interested in dating someone who shares your views, belief systems should be brought up.
If you don't bring religion up until you are invested in the relationship, you may just find that the person you thought worshipped your Lord and Savior really worships a deity named Hal who has a head like a goldfish and speaks to people through rainbows.
This can leave you with a broken heart, and loads of time you can't get back.
2. What you are looking for
The world of dating can be difficult: it'll eat you alive if you let it.
This is why very few people date simply to date — those who do are usually young, unsure of their direction in life, or just old-fashioned masochists. Most people date simply because it's necessary in order to begin finding a wife or the man they will marry.
This means that being upfront with what you are looking for is imperative.
By telling your date your ultimate plans or end game, you help assure that you aren't wasting their time or yours.
3. Your strengths
A first date can feel like a job interview: you sell your skills to the other person in hopes that they will let you climb their corporate ladder. This often involves presenting your strengths, whatever they may be.
So, if you are funny, be funny. If you are an exceptional listener, show that you're all ears. If you are ambitious, talk about your long-term goals.
In other words, be the best version of yourself. If you're able to do this, a first date will turn into a second, a third, and so on.
Michael Griswold is a romantic relationship coach based in Denver, Colorado who helps men and women heal broken hearts and find love again.