10 Basic Ways To Be The Woman Every Guy Wants To Date
Kiss your dating blues goodbye.
Dean Drobot | Canva Have you been stuck in a dating dry spell? If a decent date with a great guy hasn’t happened in some time, chances are you are putting out some pretty uninviting vibes, intentionally or not. If love is what you seek, it's time to emerge from the rut and embody a sassy, seductive, attract-any-guy-I-want attitude! Does that sound intimidating? Maybe even impossible? It's not. Here's how to kiss the dating blues goodbye for good.
Here are 10 basic ways to be the woman every guy wants to date:
1. Ask yourself the question that trumps all other dating questions
"Would I date myself?" It's a valid question, right? Take an honest look at who you are, how you act, and what issues from your past linger in your present. Do you engage in self-sabotaging activities? Is your inner voice your best friend or worst enemy? Are you comfortable being you? Before you can be ready for a healthy relationship, you have to focus on yourself first. Accept or fix your issues. Embrace your baggage. Work on becoming your best self. Once you can look yourself in the eye and think — Yeah, I'd date me!! I'm a pretty fantastic catch. — then (and only then) attempt the rest of these steps.
2. Don’t fake it, do it
Don't try to enjoy yourself. Don't try to get out of your box. Just do it. Make a decision. Trying is an advance excuse for failure and for not going all in and giving it your best. Have zero excuses. If you don't find success, make a mid-course correction and try a different tactic. Keep at it until you do find success.
3. Douse those old flames and light a new fire
It's time to clear out old flames and residual love baggage. Out with the old and in with the new is an attractive and incredibly exciting mindset. Who in your life have you allowed to linger around for no real reason at all? Who doesn't serve you anymore? Who feels like a burden? Who transformed from being a crush to just a crutch? Who makes you feel used? Who is just a booty call to you (or you are to them)? Is being a booty call what you want for yourself? Is it hurting you? You can't open a new door until old doors are shut. So take some time and clear that closet of old emotional baggage as a bold step toward refreshing your love life. Why? Because you deserve to be happy and fulfilled. You deserve to love and be loved. So make some space for it, starting now!
4. Check your reflection
If you can't figure out why you keep attracting guys who are manic, obsessive, excessive partiers, workaholics, or lacking drive and direction, look in the mirror. The people you attract are often a perfect reflection of behaviors or mindsets you hold within yourself. Remember question #1: Would you date yourself? If you consistently attract men with attributes you truly dislike, fix yourself first. Then you'll attract a great guy — one just as great as you.
5. Stand for something
Before you can find the right guy for you, first take a deep, hard, and honest look at who truly you are to clarify what is most important to you. What do you stand for? What are your priorities? What are the core values you will and will not budge on?
Your values are your foundation. Once you are clear on them, you can better determine if your potential guy's beliefs align with yours in areas that deeply matter to you. Need some help in this department? Let’s work together to figure out who you are, what you stand for, what your best self looks like, what weaknesses exist within each core value, and how you can better live into those values. Dating becomes a lot more straightforward when align your romantic goals with your core values first.
6. Get a life
"You complete me" is garbage. You don't want him to be the center of your universe. He doesn't want to be that either. But every guy wants to be doted on by their partner. You think? Well, doting is one thing but being needy and having your world revolve entirely around his is another. Not to mention that it's a lot of pressure! And that kind of pressure is anything but attractive. So what is? Having a life of your own that you love. In other words:
- You're busy, driven, self-sufficient, and autonomous with your interests.
- You're interesting. You have things going on that contribute to high-quality conversations.
- You have something (skills, perspectives, ideas) to contribute to the relationship.
How do you "get a life"? By expanding your interests. Take a class. Get out of your box. Try one new thing every single day. Find your passion. Take up a hobby that excites you. Become excited about your career again. As Katy Perry says: "Stand for something, or you will fall for everything."
7. Be that girl
You know that woman who enters a room and you (and everyone else) can't help but notice her? What is it about her that attracts so much attention? What energy does she radiate? How does she carry herself? What is she wearing? What type of facial expression does she present? How does she make you and others feel? Generally "that girl" is smiling, and she is confident. Her chin is up, shoulders back and she makes eye contact with everyone. She is warm and invites others to be in her presence. She is deliberate with her moves, almost cat-like. Instead of pushing her energy out at you, she pulls you into hers. She might not be a natural beauty, but she takes care of herself and is well put together, whether she is in jeans and a t-shirt or an evening gown. I want you to get a very clear picture of "that girl" in your mind. Then write down her traits, give her a name, and then embody her whenever you go out.
8. Seek and ye shall find
Are you a gym junkie? Mix it up and go outside instead where you might meet interesting people. Go for a hike, walk the boardwalk, visit the ice rink, or join a snow-shoeing meet-up group. Work different muscles and have an open heart. Sweating together has been shown to initiate chemistry. The important thing is to try new things and put yourself in new places. Instead of going to the bar where everyone knows your name, try that new place that just opened downtown. Talk to people. Ask questions as if you're a tourist (we tend to be more social when on vacation).
Are you more of an intellectual? Take a class on a topic that doesn't typically interest you to meet new people. Intimidated by technology? Go to the Apple store and take one of their group classes. Enroll in a CPR class. Try a cooking workshop. Have a positive attitude and be open to learning (and meeting someone). Also, look for opportunities to share what you already know. Wine snob? Go to a big wine store and walk around perusing the bottles. If you see a potential partner who looks lost or confused, offer some suggestions.
9. Open up to online love
Online dating is a strategy. It requires pre-qualifying, answering specific questions, and profile mapping. Yes, it can feel like a whole new dating world out there, but I can show you how to make it less scary (and even a ton of fun). Whether you find the idea of online dating intimidating, are repelled by a previous bad online dating experience, or are clinging to the idea that the only way to meet Mr. Right is the "natural" way — get over it! Online dating allows you to date a lot! Translation: practice makes perfect right? Plus, you will develop an attitude of abundance, possibly the most powerful tool for creating dating confidence.
10. Remember: There are so many fish in the sea
Even if you aren't dating several guys and you don't have any other viable prospects, you still need to embrace an attitude of abundance. The operative word is attitude. This is about sending the energetic message that, while you think this guy is fantastic and you truly do hope it works out with him, there are plenty of fish in the sea and you can easily pull in another guy just as great or better if need be.
An attitude of abundance is an attitude of confidence. It's knowing that you are a valuable commodity. You are worth something and so is your time and the energy that you invest into being on a date with someone. To clarify: an attitude of abundance is not an attitude of arrogance. It is not about juggling, screwing, messing with, or being careless with multiple minds and hearts. Sure you might be dating multiple people at once, but the purpose is to become clear on what you want and need in a partner, hone in, and then make a choice. After all, how can you make a selection if you don't have any options?
Laurel House is an international celebrity dating and relationship coach, a dating coach on E!’s “Famously Single,” and a writer who has appeared in Oprah, Vogue, The Washington Post, and 500 other media outlets.