Expert Reveals The 5 'Marriage Gasps' That Mean A Relationship Is Over
Deep down, you know nothing can save this relationship.
Vasyl Dolmatov | Canva Deep down, we always know when a relationship is ending. Sadly, people avoid and ignore the signs. They continue to stay in relationships long past their expiry date.
Why? Because breaking up is painful and people would rather delay dealing with it and avoid feeling the pain for as long as possible.
How long does it take to get over a breakup? According to the results of one study by OnePoll, it takes about 3.5 months to heal, longer for divorce.
If you're unhappy and in a relationship you sense isn’t serving you any longer, then read on. (If, after reading this article, you feel you need more in-depth guidance and support, be sure to take me up on my offer at the end.)
Here are the 5 'marriage gasps' that mean a relationship is over:
1. Constant fighting that doesn't let up
Has your relationship become a battleground? If so, then the only thing you have left in common is conflict. When you’re at this point, the relationship is no longer nourishing you. Instead, it’s depleting you.
Pexels / Diva Plavalaguna
Fighting can be healthy within a flourishing relationship, but continual repetitive purposeless arguments with nothing being resolved indicate the relationship is over.
2. Having almost no common ground anymore
When all the things that connected you at the beginning are now replaced with a multitude of differences, you may find all the activities, habits, and even where you want to vacation no longer align.
The most common place this shows up is in a matter of time. One partner feels that daily intimate connection is vital, while the other prefers just weekends.
3. Boredom
Another way to tell it’s over is when you're waking up depressed, vaguely disconnected, and blue. You’re not sure what’s the matter with you. Nothing terrible has happened, you just have an overall feeling of hopelessness and very little joy in your life.
This often means the essential vitality in your relationship is gone and you’re not "in love" anymore.
I want to point out there is a big difference between comfortable familiarity and boredom. The best metaphor is the difference between a comfortable pair of shoes and old shoes that have worn out and hurt your feet. Check in and see which shoe fits YOU.
4. Emotional distance
This is when you become aware that the person you’ve been relating with is no longer there when you reach out to make contact. Any attempt to have a conversation consistently triggers a negative response.
This is what people mean when they refer to "a lack of communication." When communication has broken down (verbal, intimate, emotional, affection), this is experienced as emotional distance.
5. A change in geography
Many relationships that have gone past their expiration date collapse when there’s a change in geography. Habits and routines are often the glue that binds and supports a relationship.
For this reason, an ending relationship will be severely impacted by a change in location. The relationship was being held together by the house, the neighborhood, or the town.
Couples will buy and build their dream house and, once moved in, the relationship falls apart. It may look like moving was the problem, but actually, the breakdown was already occurring long before.
Kim Sarrasin, also known as the Queen of Hearts, is a relationship expert, dating coach, and speaker. She's appeared on North America CBC TV, Global TV, The Globe & Mail, BC Business, and Shape Magazine.