How To Move On When You Have A Big, Open Wound In Your Heart
You feel like you'll never love again.
irynakhabliuk | Canva One of my very first clients is Anita. Five years ago she came to me with a broken heart. Her fiancé had just left her after talking about their near future plans with her and her parents just a few days previously. She didn't see it coming. But it happened and she was shattered to pieces. The pain was unbearable. She had lost another fiancé to an accident a few years before. This is another death of her loved one to her, only worse. I told her to start dating again, although she was nowhere near ready for that. She did it anyway in an attempt to learn how to get over a broken heart.
She met Brad. He was so into her she pursued him hard. She saw him a few times and even slept with him at some point but she told me she couldn't get over her ex. She had to tell him that she was not over her ex. She did. Then I didn't hear from her for a while... only one day, she was asking if I could squeeze her in cause she was freaking out: her ex was engaged to his new girlfriend.
She was broken to pieces again. She said: "Hi Katarina, Thank you for responding. I'm sorry I didn't get back to you sooner. I was pretty much in crisis the night I found out about Jeff being engaged but I've had some time to get a hold of myself and deal with it. I've learned a lot these past few years so my recovery time is shorter and I feel better. It still hurts a lot but it's been a catalyst for me to move on this time. There's someone so much better for me and that's where my focus is. I hope all is well in your life. Love, Anita."
I never heard from her again until I found out through Facebook that she was engaged. And it was to Brad! And just a few weeks ago, they got married. I was floored. I was the very first person who knew about their dating history and I was the one who encouraged her to see him even when she didn't want to. Brad was the first guy she ever dated after the breakup. Usually, I don't take that kind of relationship very seriously because it was a rebound relationship. But for some reason, it worked for them. He was smitten from the get-go and didn't relent knowing she was still hurting over her breakup.
What is the lesson here? Moving on even though your heart is far from ready is the way to go. What you are feeling at the moment feels very real for you but it's just a feeling and feelings change.
You just have to believe that this one, too, shall pass. She didn't expect she would marry the next guy after her ex-fiancé, but that is what happened. It's pretty much accurate what this saying says: to get over someone, get under someone else. That is how to get over a broken heart.
For any of you who have been dumped, don't sit around mourning. Yes, you need to heal for sure, and dating others when you are hurting isn't easy because it reminds you what you're missing. But it helps you move on once you find the right man (men) you like. When I broke up with my ex, I forced myself to date even when I was miserable most of the time.
In time I enjoyed it more, especially when I found myself attracted to some of the guys. I went through my transitional "non-relationships" with a few men until I was ready to jump in with both feet with my boyfriend.
It took me four years to be ready to be in a committed relationship again. If you're going through a tough breakup, don't despair. My method has helped tons of women to either move on (like Anita) to a greener pasture or get their exes back. It has also given birth to eight engagements and two marriages in the past year, not including Anita's.
Katarina Phang is a dating and relationship coach and feminine magnetism expert who has worked with and helped thousands of women from all corners of the world transform their relationships.