Dating After Divorce: 5 Steps To Successfully Date Again
Dating after divorce doesn't have to be difficult.
Okay, so here you are. The papers are signed, the lawyers have been paid and your husband is now officially your ex-husband.
As you take a moment to look down the road the thought of dating another man is paralyzing and full of fear isn’t it?
There was a time where you were so sure that your ex-husband was the one that you were going to be sharing your life with. The one guy you thought you could count on “til death do us part.’ But those dreams have gone down the toilet and you’re back on your own again. All that certainty you once had is gone and has been replaced with doubt and uncertainty as to what the future holds.
And that is okay because you are entering a new phase of your life. And one day you will look back on this time and see it differently. As you get further down the road and look back with less emotions and a more clear perspective you will see this time as a true blessing.
Because this new beginning is the opportunity to go out and create the great relationship you really desire…and deserve. But in order to find that great relationship you must reenter the dating world. On the surface it’s a little scary isn’t’ it? Heck, it’s been a while since you have been single. But once you realize that there are things you can do to make it easier on yourself you will begin to see that dating doesn’t’ have to be difficult.
Yes, the dating world has changed since the last time you were single. There’s good news and bad news. The good news is you now have a lot more options to meet men. There are more places to go and more things to do than ever before but that’s also the bad news. Because the multitude of options present more avenues for you to become frustrated, overwhelmed and disappointed by men.
As the old saying goes, “You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.” Unfortunately, now more than ever, it is becoming much more challenging to get the frogs to kiss because they’re jumping from lily pad to lily pad. But if you can learn to manage your emotions and not take things personally you will see that dating is simply a numbers game.
And once you realize that it is a numbers game, and you learn to keep your emotions in check. I suggest you follow these 5 steps.
1) Leave the past behind you – one of the most common mistakes that divorce individuals make, is that they try to move forward, when they have an emotionally resolve the issues from the past. If you have been hurt, disappointed or screwed over by your ex. Please make sure all of these issues are resolved and you don’t have any lingering anger or resentment. Because if these issues continue to linger . They will resurface in your next relationship and the men you date will be blamed for the unwanted results from your past.
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2) Identify your red flags – one of the best that you can take to make dating easier and more enjoyable for yourself is to identify your red flags. The red flags are those qualities and characteristics that you absolutely will not put up with. It is those things that a man says or does which, you know you will not be able to tolerate or live with. The more clearly you are able to recognize the red flags, the easier it will be for you to screen men and to keep yourself from pursuing men or relationships which are not right for you
3) Have a clear goal and destination –knowing ahead of time what your goal and destination is going to help you tremendously. As you reenter the dating world. Are you simply looking to go out and meet some men and date awhile before getting into another relationship? Or are you the type of woman who is looking to get remarried again and is not looking to waste time?
Once you are clear on your goal and destination it becomes much easier to recognize when you are headed in the right direction. And in the event you see that you are involved with a man or relationships that isn’t going to give you what it is you want, you will make it much easier on yourself to walk away before you get involved too deeply
4) Be honest – If you’re going to successfully navigate the dating world. It is imperative that you are honest, not only with yourself. But with the men you date. The irony of being single is that many men and women state they want honesty but very few have the intestinal fortitude to be upfront and honest with each other. The more you are honest with yourself and stay focused as to what you want and are looking for from a man in relationship, the easier it will be for you to be honest with others. When you see that you are not a good match for each other
5) Hold off on sex- Sex is a very important component of a successful relationship. However, jumping into relationships and having sex too soon , often clouds a woman’s judgment and causes her to make choices and decisions which are in alignment to her long-term desires.
I often recommend to my personal coaching clients that they develop probation where they abstain from sex. The purpose of the probation is to give the woman enough time to decide if this is a guy worth pursuing and a guy. She even wants to have sex with. There is no magic number for this probation. And the best way to decide is to pick a time which feels right to you. It can be five dates, five weeks or five months. The period of time is not important, what matters most is that you give yourself a set amount of time so that you can make sure you’re pursuing the right guy for the right reasons.
I am confident that if you follow the master all five of these steps you will find that your re-entry into the dating world becomes much easier and much smoother than you ever imagined.
If you are divorced and paralyzed by fear or confused how to date again I would like to invite you to follow us at http://www.SmarterDatingforWomen.com. And while you're there, make sure to grab a free copy of the e-book: The ABC's of Smarter Dating: 26 Tips & Strategies to Immediately Improve Your Love Life