3 Things For Living An Authentic Life, STOP Being Controlled

"Variety is the spice of life." With variety also comes excitement, challenges to be solved and problems to be overcome. They are all are attractive parts of change and required for true authentic living. There is a certain sense of satisfaction when you accomplish and achieve something you thought you couldn’t do. It is exhilarating when the realization hits and you are actually capable, competent and full of potential to be more than the status quo.

"There is no such thing as time management. We are all given the same 24 hours in a day. How well you manage your life events in that amount of time determines the quality and value of your life’s outcome."  John Assaraf

There is a difference between consciously defining and participating in the experiences of an extraordinary life—opposed to merely coasting along, going through the motions and reacting from a state of fear and survival mode on auto pilot. Self-transformation and living your true authentic self is about making choices, taking deliberate action to grow beyond previous comforts and limitations to embrace new and rewarding life experiences. Only after it is done however, can you come to the realization that change is not that bad and you are still ok for doing it.

3 Things You Must Do To Live Your Authentic Self

1. Make a better rule book—start planning how you play the game of life that supports your goals, dreams and visions for the future.
2. Strengthen your self-confidence—by improving your problem solving, communication and negotiating skills. Let go of the rope and stop holding on to unhealthy dependency. It holds people down, nobody in your circle of influence learns or grows in positive ways. And not doing it only keeps people stuck in the fear traps of illusion.
3. Self-Acceptance—for who and what you are means you give yourself permission to steer your own course of personal growth and development to navigate around the traps of pain and suffering from other people’s life expectations. You always have a multitude of choices no matter what circumstances you are facing.

Most of humanity is living in a state of mental chaos, running around doing meaningless activity to survive because:

1. The "rules" they are living by to gain outer approval, acceptance or validation do not match or support the landscape of their innermost heart’s desire. The rule book is for someone else’s journey and not their own.
2. They spend so much time and energy trying to fulfill everyone else’s needs. Making others happy and suppress themselves to keep the peace in order to avoid difficult communication and negotiations for change. They are left feeling miserable and unfilled when they abandon themselves and their own needs in the trade off.  

Trading your happiness for someone else’s is risky because there is no guarantee they will follow your rules and actually be happy with what you sacrificed. The result is often anger, resentment and a sense of failure when the other person isn’t happy and it may have nothing to do with you at all particularly if they are not developed in their own self-awareness and growth.  If you always do what you’ve always done you will always get what you have always gotten. So if you really aren’t happy, why do you keep doing something that makes you miserable? Are you really creating security, peace and happiness or are you fooling yourself with rational lies and a false sense of security that something or someone else will miraculously do the changing so you don’t have to? Listening to the feedback is the key to your solution here.

The first challenge is to face and accept that it is human nature to be lazy and do as little as possible. The “rules” other people argue and defend “you have to live by for happiness or security,” are always to fulfill one of two things:

1. Their dependency on you for things they need to start doing themselves but they are too afraid or lack confidence to take on the responsibility. (This may actually free up time you think you don’t have that could be used for more of your own fulfilling activities.)
2. You must also consider your rules as your own trap of dependency on them. Doing things that another is capable of taking on their self is more about your insecurity that they may not “need” you anymore once they become independent or self –sufficient. It could also be your avoidance to overcoming your own fears, insecurities and lack of confidence about doing that “new experience” you now have time to partake in.

Giving up your life’s goals and dreams to fulfill responsibilities for others so they don’t have to overcome their own discomforts is a heavy burden and may not fit the model of life either of you were actually created for. You have your own unique set of strengths, skills, talents, abilities, interests, creativity and contributions to give to the world and they have theirs. Healthy rules allow for interdependence that give all parties the freedom to explore life in new ways while being helped and supported through the changes and transitions and only given when it is realistically required.

Confusion is the fusing of beliefs or ideas that contradict or do not match the emotion. Energy or physical experiences you want to be in flow and harmony with. When the ideas about the inner landscape of desire become fused and enmeshed with ideas of fear or disbelief about the reality of possibility. Somewhere in the messaging system there is a disagreement about the idea or the actions required for the outcome to be achieved and your confidence can and faith can quickly become depleted. This does not mean your desire cannot exist in truth and reality. It simply means you are not yet aligned with the right beliefs and actions—or have not completed the communication and negotiation processes with the right people who will support its outcome in physical experience.

Either you define your life or others will define it for you and chances are you probably won’t like it. Self-acceptance for all the goodness that you are in truth, is the key to having confidence to face these adversities while gaining control over your life. So you can begin to transform it into something authentic, meaningful and valuable for you. If it is in your heart and your desire, then you also have everything else you need to fulfill it once you align with it and trust that it is right for you. The right people and circumstances do come along at exactly the right time and place when you need it.