2 'Old-Fashioned' Duties That Make Someone An Incredible Wingman
Sometimes we need a friend to help us find the right partner.
Harrison Haines, PeopleImages | Canva Okay, you got the call. It's the moment you've been training for. Your friend has asked you to be his wingman and yes, I said his wingman, because even though women have "wing women," it's a different ballgame.
If you're a woman who goes to a social gathering alone, guys will come up to you anyway. If you're a dude at the bar alone, unless you're Jon Hamm, you are viewed as the creep who came alone and will go home alone.
Too often, being a wingman gets a bad reputation. You think that you'll have to confirm your friend's story about how he's a pediatric surgeon and a millionaire software entrepreneur and how all his exes say he ruined them for other men, but the truth is much simpler: we all need help, and support when we're trying to meet new people.
As the wingman (note: it's a non-gender-specific title), there are two important duties that you will assist with. It doesn't matter if your buddy is looking for the love of his life or the love of the next eight hours, you are there to facilitate two critical parts of "the dance."
Why could having a wingman potentially work? One theory could be that people in a group are seen as more attractive. Research shows us that women also tend to act as a community more, thus helping each other in their romantic pursuits.
Here are 2 'old-fashioned' duties that make someone an incredible wingman:
1. Approach and help break the ice.
It's hard to approach someone you don't know and start a conversation with them. Think back to how tough it was talking to new people on the first day of school — and that's an environment where everyone shared a common background.
When you're at a bar, party, BBQ, air guitar championship or whatever, the stakes are higher. You don't want your friend to be viewed by the object of his attention as a strange loner who comes out of nowhere and starts talking to her.
Do you have to be like Barney in How I Met Your Mother? Not at all. Sometimes you'll be the one to start a conversation. Most often, you will simply back up your friend by providing moral support.
Your strength comes from the fact that you aren't attached to the outcome, so even if you end up looking foolish, it's not a big deal.
I've tried many different ways to start a conversation with someone, and all of them work better if you have a friend with you, which brings us to your second important job as a "wing person."
2. You make them look trustworthy right off the bat.
Guys get nervous when striking up a conversation with someone new because they're not sure how the new person views them, and we have to blindly flail about to find a way to create trust.
Face it, she's not going to give us a phone number — at least a real one — if she doesn't trust us. One of the easiest ways to gain credibility is to have a third-party testimonial because we tend to trust other's opinions (think: Amazon reviews), and when you are out with your friend, you are that third party. So, get ready to give some good reviews!
You don't even have to say anything; your presence is enough. By being there, you are letting everyone know that your friend has friends. This shows that he at the least possesses basic social (and hygiene) skills and is worth talking to for a few minutes.
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The fancy term for this is social proof. If you are hanging around your friend, you are demonstrating that he's worth hanging around.
Warning: don't go overboard! It's great to say nice things about your friend, but it's counterproductive to oversell. This is why moms are usually bad wingmen; they try too hard.
Desperation is never attractive, so just provide a low-key source of positive information and be okay with talking up your friend a little when they start getting off track.
In the end, just have fun. The best thing you can do for your friend is keep things light and relaxed so that everyone wins and has a good time, whether the evening was "successful" or not.
Jill Jackson is a dating coach, matchmaker, and public speaker who helps and hosts singles events.