4 Tiny Dating Mistakes That Turn Good Men Off Fast
These dating mistakes keep you stuck.
Katerina Holmes | Pexels Do you find yourself caught in a bad dating cycle? You're meeting guys, and dating them for a while, but the result is always the same — you are left alone and brokenhearted. As much as you'd like to believe that there are just no good men out there, it's much more likely that it's due to your behavior. The good news is that it also means it's under your control to change things.
So be honest with yourself and see if you can identify with any of these four common dating mistakes. If you can, you'll be doing yourself a huge favor by changing your dating habits.
Here are 4 tiny dating mistakes that turn good men off fast:
1. Not giving love a chance to grow
You go out for coffee on the blind date that your mother's friend set you up on, but, while he seems nice and isn't bad-looking, you just aren't feeling any chemistry. So when he calls asking for another date, you tell him that you're just not interested in a relationship right now.
I can't even count how many times a guy started to become more attractive the more I got to know him. Once you give him a chance, see his fun, quirky side, the way he can make you laugh, his kindness and generosity, he starts to get, well, cuter. And if you give yourself some time to explore that, you might just find that cuter becomes cute, and before you know it real cute becomes sexy. And sexy becomes, well, you get the idea. But you'll never know if you cut it short after 30 minutes of sipping vanilla lattes with him. Give it four or five real dates before you decide if there's any potential.
2. Committing to one guy too soon
You know how it is — you meet a guy that you think could be the one. You had a fabulous time on the first two dates, and you felt a real connection — the two of you really had that chemistry that you're always looking for. So when that nice guy you had coffee with last week calls you and asks you out, you politely decline because you don't want to jeopardize things with this new hottie. So instead of going out on a date with a nice guy, you stay home checking your iPhone every twenty minutes or so just to make sure you didn't miss the other guy's call. Sound crazy? It is.
The best thing you can do, particularly when you've met a guy who gives you the butterflies, is to continue to date other guys. Why? Because it will stop you from obsessing over your new infatuation and appearing desperate, it will keep you from getting too intimate with him too quickly, and it will give you a point of reference or two to compare Mr. Dreamboat with.
And if you subtly let each of them know that they aren't the only ones vying for your affection, it will stoke their male competitiveness and make them step up to the plate to win you over — something men are wired for. Lastly, it will give the nice coffee-date guy a running chance to show you all he's got, and it will give you time to see if Mr. Hot-Stuff turns out to be Mr. Not-So-Nice. It's a win all around.
3. You look for perfection
You're having dinner with a dreamy guy, and after he's taken a bite of his meal he slides his fork out of his mouth, scraping his teeth with the fork and sending chills down your spine while he's at it. That's it — one strike and he's out — you've written him off right there. (I know this one seems silly, but I actually had a guy complain about me doing this during one of our very early dates — one strike and I was out! He didn't call for another date.)
The point is that if you're ready to drop him at the first sign of anything even remotely annoying, it's time you get realistic and know that there is no such thing as perfection, and the dogged pursuit of said perfection will get you just that: nothing. Get realistic about what you really want out of a relationship: compassion, caring, kindness. You know — the things that make you happy. Then cross those minor annoyances off your must-not-have list.
4. Dating the same type of guy over and over again and expecting things to be different
You're out having cocktails with your sister-in-law after work, and she tells you she wants to introduce you to a great guy she works with. When she points him out across the bar, you immediately decline saying he's too short and you don't like blondes — he's just not your type.
The question is: how do you know he's not your type by looking at him for all of three seconds? He might be funny, kind, caring, successful, honest, and great with kids — everything that you're looking for in a guy. But you'll have no idea because you just rejected him based on one thing alone: how he looked that particular night.
Remember that dating only guys that you think of as your type has gotten you exactly where you are right now — single. As Albert Einstein said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." So stop the insanity and try something different. You'll be glad you did.
Jane Garapick is a dating and relationship coach, author, and founder of Getting to True Love. She provides inspiration, support, and empowerment to women on their journey to find true love.