3 Major 'Courting' Mistakes Even The Most Old-School Men Make
Why do things keep going wrong?
Jacob Lund | Canva Are you stuck in a dead-end dating pattern? Disappointed that you haven't met your match? If so, you might be making three dating mistakes that take the fun out of dating and block love.
Fortunately, the fix is easier than you may think. Below are three surprising dating mistakes that may keep you from finding the love of your life. Identify yours, then learn what you should be doing instead.
Here are 3 major 'courting' mistakes even the most old-school men make:
1. They are looking for the perfect match.
Have you created your mental picture of your perfect match? Do you go on dates with a list of qualities you seek in your ideal match?
Do you reject every date that doesn't meet your physical, financial, intellectual, spiritual, or social standards? Do you wonder why no one meets your standards?
If you're dating to find great love, here's what to do instead: Your task is not to seek perfect love but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.
The poet Rumi shared This great love tip hundreds of years ago. It aligns with a universal law that states that like attracts like. So, we attract what we are, not what we want.
I often tell my online community that you find the right person by being more like the person you want to date. This also means you ask for no more from a potential love match than you're willing to give.
What if you keep attracting a date with qualities that you don't like? Since we attract what we are, not what we want, you start seeing your dates as a mirror reflecting a weakness you need to strengthen within yourself.
Or you strengthen your strengths so that any weakness loses power and importance. Doing so will attract a date who reflects, shares, and values your best qualities.
2. They bring past experiences into every new date.
Do you expect the same old patterns and problems with each new date you meet? If someone betrayed you in a past relationship, do you keep looking for any signs of disloyalty on a new date?
Do you expect the same old disappointments and notice that you always get what you expect? Are you ready to change that?
If you're dating to find great love, here's what to do instead: Understand the universal law, which states that what you focus on expands. When you focus through your veil of past troubles, you attract more of them.
Seeing through the dark veil of the past blocks your clear view of the here and now and stops you from getting the great love you deserve now. How do you let go of this old veil that blocks new love?
Letting go of the past will allow you to have a brighter future. Research tells us that to free ourselves from the past and form healthier relationships, we must make peace with it. You can't outrun yourself; wherever you go, you take yourself with you.
You choose to see each past trauma as a fluffy cumulus cloud. If you try to cling to it, it eludes your grasp. If you dive into it, can it hold you? Of course not.
So, you let go of its hold on you when you see a dark cloud as a fleeting blip that passes through your blue skies. When you visit and savor blue skies in the present moment, you welcome each new experience, leap over obstacles, expect even better things ahead, and attract a date who shares your view.
3. They wait for someone else to bring excitement into their lives.
Do you ever feel bored? This means you are making boring choices. Waiting for a date to make your life exciting means you will attract an equally boring date waiting for you to spark up their life. Sound exciting?
If you're dating to find great love, here's what to do instead: Know that you are whole and wonderful, just as you are. If you suffer from an excitement deficiency, you must make better choices that add excitement to your daily life.
How? Make a list of all the fun things you want to do, and then make a play date with yourself to do something fun each day. To enjoy some low-cost fun, start an affair of art. Would you like to sing, dance, cook, paint, take photos, or classes that tickle your fancy?
Pexels / Zain Abba
Permit yourself to start a creative activity today. Enjoy a creative rush that will end boredom, rev up your joyful enthusiasm, and make you irresistible to your great love.
Hadley Finch is a dating and divorce coach and the author of 911 Breakup Survival.