How To Have A Healthy Relationship When You're An Extrovert In Love With An Introvert
If you're dating an introvert, this is for you!
by Hian Oliveira on Unsplash Opposites often attract, and if you're an extrovert personality type who's fallen in love with an introvert, there are times when you may struggle to connect in the relationship.
You and your introverted partner might have wildly different personality traits and expectations for how to spend a fun Saturday night. Your extroverted self might want you to go out and party with friends and be social, while your introverted partner wants to stay in and watch a movie with you.
Introversion and extraversion — or even if you're an ambivert — can seem so wildly different that you don't know how you could possibly have a healthy relationship.
But what are the real differences between these personality types, and how can you better understand the introvert's point of view?
The Myers Briggs Personality Test or Myers Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI), defines the main difference between extroverts and introverts in the way they "recharge their batteries."
While extroverts feel energized in groups, introverts need time for themselves to reconnect with their inner world to replenish their energy, which is drained by the interaction with the outside world.
Here's how to have a healthy relationship with your introverted partner despite the differences:
1. Give the introvert enough "space."
Introverts love spending quality time one-on-one with their loved ones, but even in those conditions, their energy gets depleted after a while.
If you find them wanting to cut short the discussion or feeling tired, allow them to withdraw without asking too many questions, and don't feel frustrated for their withdrawal.
They'll bring back their lovely self once recharged.
2. Don't force them to go to places they don't want to.
Introverts have a very good connection with their intuition. Although they might not be able to explain why, intuitively they will know when a place or situation is not good for them, so they won't want to be there.
Respect their choice, and they will appreciate you even more.
3. Need ideas? Ask your introvert!
Introverts are very creative, even if they don't always express their creativity in an artistic way. If you find yourself stuck or in need of some ideas, ask your introvert!
Not only they love to share their ideas, but introverts feel appreciated when someone asks for this kind of support.
Introverts that feel appreciated and valued for who they are will give themselves even more to their relationships.
4. Encourage your introverts to relax however they choose.
Most introverts are people persons. They love to help and bring happiness to loved ones. Yet sometimes they forget about themselves and go the extra mile to help others to the detriment of their own energy.
Creating a relationship atmosphere that encourages self-expression and initiative (even if that means seeing them withdraw with a book, in nature, or into their inner world for quite some time) can help them to reconnect with themselves, a relaxing rich place where they draw their energy from.
Not allowing them to do this will only accumulate to their mental fatigue, which in turn will have negative effects on your relationship.
5. Ask insightful questions to understand their introversion.
Encourage your introvert to ask questions (instead of assuming you're right). Open questions that don't start with "why" are great in helping deepening relations and understanding each other.
Don't assume you know your partner, because each situation might be different or catch you both in a different mood. Past does not equal the future unless you get stuck in your own ideas.
Introverts are curious and can ask insightful questions that could increase your awareness about each other, your relationship, and the situation you're in.
6. Remember what you liked about your introvert when you first met.
You can get so caught in the aspects you don't like about your partner that you forget what you do like.
Remind yourself often and appreciate the behaviors you do like. This will help you get more of them from your introvert. It feels so good when you're appreciated for who you are. It's the case with introverts, too.
And if you notice a lack of the introverted behaviors you used to love, just ask what's happening or missing. You might just get the chance to rekindle your love if you spot the blockages and help remove them.
7. Enroll together in a project you both love.
Introverts are project-driven, too, but only by projects dear to their heart. Find something that you both like: A common cause, for example.
Introverts are often driven by meaningful ideas that have the potential of making a better world. There's more pleasure for them to work on a project with their partner, in a real partnership focused on each other strengths, complementing each other without imposing one's idea.
The boomerang effect of putting their energy together in the service of a bigger cause will have a positive impact on their relationship as well.
If you can't find a project to work on together, get yourself out of the way and allow your introvert to get involved in the cause they want to. The extra energy drawn from doing something worthy (in introvert's opinion), will pour more love into your relationship as well.
Gabriela Casineanu is a life and relationship coach who specializes in life management and transitions. To find out more about how she can help you create the relationship and life you want, visit her website.