After 10 Years As A Dating Coach, Here Are 7 Ways Women Get Any Guy They Want
Successful and independent women: use these strategies to get the guy.
ppnmm | Goldfaery | Getty Images She rises every morning at the light of dawn, downing two shots of espresso and a fresh juice before racing out the door. She arrives exactly 15 minutes early for her 8 AM meeting. Her schedule is fully loaded like a baked potato about to explode at any given moment.
She has a fire in her soul. She owns every room she enters, capturing the crowd with every word she speaks. She’s the ultimate multitasker, making sure her to-do list is completed every day.
Despite the unthinkable problems she faces, there's not a minute she spends questioning her ability to solve them all. She is the ultimate powerhouse; stronger than a whiskey on the rocks.
And while she has reached the peak of her career, she can’t figure out why her ambition and drive toward success don’t seem to fly in her dating life. What do men want? She just can't seem to figure it out.
Her dedication and work ethic are unbelievably attractive, yet they're driving a wedge between her and the man she’s dating. She feels as though the one thing she wants more than anything is the one thing she can’t seem to get.
Strong women can have any guy they want if they do these 7 things:
1. Let go of control
You have all the power in the world when comes to pursuing your personal and career goals. While it may give you a sense of control, your man won’t enjoy thinking he has to be there at the snap of your fingers. He has his feelings, opinions, goals, and life outside of you, and he needs the freedom to express himself.
You aren’t entitled to give orders. He has a voice and will want to be heard. You must accept his perspectives, even when they differ from yours. Relationships are about respecting your partner for who they are. And remember why you began dating him in the first place.
There are no immediate answers when it comes to love. The unknown is what keeps you both intrigued. So, put down your planner, and let there be a little mystery and excitement. The thrill is a part of the adventure.
2. Allow the man to lead in the initial stages
You should be careful not to emasculate him, as this is when he needs to feel at his prime to pursue you. Taking the back seat gives him the momentum to make him work for you. The harder he works the more he will value you as his partner. This gives him the chance to develop an emotional commitment to be there for you.
As with your career, success doesn’t happen overnight. While practicing patience isn’t your forte, dating is your best friend. He won’t be in a rush if he thinks you’re the catch of a lifetime. And trust us you don’t want to be the catch of the day.
So, like all things that need to grow in order to reach fruition, let him fish for days or even weeks until he slowly reels you in.
3. Stop trying to fix his problems
You are great with solving problems at work, at home, and with family and friends. Everyone comes to you to save the day. However, unless he directly asks you for advice, you’re going to have to learn to keep your lips shut and listen. Listening is going to be one of your most valuable relationship assets.
He may be comfortable with his flaws and not looking to change. The truth is you will have to let him be, as you are not a fixer but a lover.
No one is perfect! What makes him unique is simply who he is as a whole individual. You don’t get to change certain aspects of his character, that’s for him to decide. He chose you, so you will need to accept him for who he is and he will be forever grateful.
4. Fully accept that you’re not his boss
He didn’t hire you to show him the ropes. He wants to learn about you, understand you, and be your teammate. You are on the same level and need to work together to get the job done; whether it’s grocery shopping, cooking dinner, or planning a weekend getaway.
Your relationship needs to include both of your viewpoints! It’s important to ask each other for help and support one another when fulfilling daily tasks. There’s no domination in relationships. It’s all about finding the balance between the two of you without stepping on each other’s toes; unless of course, you’re dancing the night away.
5. Keep your financial status private
Even if you’re a serious breadwinner, make him feel like he is the man. Your admiration and devotion for each other aren’t a reflection of your income. Love is priceless. So don’t try to buy him by showering him with gifts. This will emasculate him, as he may not be able to return the gesture.
It’s not about whose piggy bank weighs more. Love isn’t a competition. It's an ongoing process of compassion and connection to relate to one another. Building the foundation of your relationship is like building an empire. One step at a time.
6. Celebrate his achievements, big and small
Whether he wins his basketball game or receives a bonus at work, any kind of achievement deserves to be acknowledged by you. His achievements are just as important as yours, no matter how little or big they are.
It’s important to encourage and support each other to create a deeper connection, increase intimacy, and achieve more fulfillment within the relationship. Life is all about celebrating the small things, as they create the big picture.
7. Communicate at his pace
If you send lengthy messages that require an editing team and he only responds in a few words, you need to scale back the length of your messages. In the initial stages, let the man lead with his communication style to align and build rapport with him. When you talk over him and try to run the show, he is bound to shut down and get turned off.
It can be overwhelming for a man to experience too much emotion too quickly when first getting to know you. He doesn’t need to know about your new shoes or what you ate for breakfast. When you send book-like messages, they appear needy and make you seem to want validation even though you may not be.
It's crucial to connect by asking one question at a time. Let your messages flow naturally and organically with his.
And yes, men respond to messages at a slower rate. They don’t feel the need to talk every hour of the day, as they aren’t wired to chat 24/7. Not to mention that over-texting can leave room for miscommunication. A solid rule of thumb is to keep your messages to ten words or less.
Jan and Jillian Yuhas are dating and relationship lifestyle coaches who help men attract the women they want. They have been featured in The Good Men Project, Thrive Global, Shoutout DFW, and more.