5 Major Marriage Deal-Breakers — That Really Aren't
Get to the heart of what makes a marriage withstand the test of time.
pixelshot | Canva In the search for a foolproof relationship, you begin by qualifying the kind of partner you want to marry and consider what they have to offer. You probably have the ultimate checklist for what you want in a man.
Your list may include an Ivy League college degree with post-nominal letters, similar religious affiliation and upbringing, a powerful bank account, social status, and eventually a marriage license. When it comes to choosing a life partner, will a relationship based on materialism and paper documents withstand the test of time?
Here are 5 major marriage deal-breakers that aren't:
1. A college degree
Education has always been a priority for you. Maybe you were raised by a family of highly educated professionals whose Ivy League status defines their identity. Without a post-nominal suffix, the random combination of letters people use to refer to you is nothing more than a name.
With a college degree at the forefront of your relationship requirements, will it define your level of wisdom about relationships or the amount of love you are capable of giving? Perhaps not.
If education is the ultimate factor in sustaining your relationship, you’ll want to make sure there is more to offer to the dynamic. Reminiscing about your college days and reciting textbook lingo day in and day out will lose its intrigue.
So while being sapiosexual may be a huge turn-on, you’ll want to consider if those post-nominal letters are going to bring happiness, understanding, laughter, passion, and intimacy to your relationship status. There’s no degree or certificate when it comes to true love.
Pixel-Shot via Shutterstock
2. Matching religious beliefs
During your child-rearing years, your caregivers may have taught you to believe in and follow a certain religious affiliation. Being passed down generation after generation, you were enlightened with traditions and rituals that bonded you to your ideology. And going outside those beliefs was unheard of, or perhaps even forbidden.
While having common beliefs is important to the infrastructure of a relationship, they alone will not create happiness or love between one another. Nevertheless, a more important factor to support a happy marriage, interfaith or same faith, is common interests, as supported by research from the University of St. Thomas on marital success.
This outweighs any other factor for developing and sustaining a genuine bond. Without being able to enjoy each other’s company through similar interests, the relationship will most likely fizzle to non-existent.
3. An impressive bank statement
Having a deep pocket full of change can make life easier. It presents more opportunities and allows you to experience things you might not have gotten to experience otherwise. Money makes the world go around, but money can’t buy love — or happiness, for that matter.
True relationships form from a warm-hearted unity where you and your partner promise to love each other for richer or poorer. So if you don’t find this to be true, then are you really in love? You have to treasure your partner for who they are with or without capital.
When push comes to shove, money can’t serve as the glue that holds your union together. On the contrary, there is one bank account you’ll need when it comes to your relationship — an emotional bank account.
When you make lots of deposits, your communication becomes quite effortless. This truly allows you to be yourself as your partner feels secure and safe in the relationship. Research from the Journal of Happiness Studies demonstrates when there is a high level of trust, small hiccups are less likely to cause chaos between you and your partner.
You’ll be able to easily solve the conflict and move forward.
4. A high-status name
Social status may be a thing you desire to live a privileged lifestyle, but you will not find it to be all it's necessarily cracked up to be. There’s no security to protect your relationship, as it’s something you have to be willing to put effort into — with or without social status.
Living a luxurious life brings valuable benefits of social approval, however, when it comes to love, you have to seek approval within yourself first. Being able to fully accept yourself — imperfections and all, you will naturally attract a partner of similar worth.
Regardless of what name you carry around on your identification card, you have the freedom to be who you want to be by owning who you are. When choosing a partner for romantic love and commitment, you are more likely to make sacrifices of economic status for fulfillment and companionship.
Not saying you can not have a fulfilling relationship with a higher social status, but you are likely to fall in love for the right reasons when you focus on what matters. Your status will not solidify a healthy relationship for eternity.
5. A marriage license
Think getting hitched will give you the ultimate commitment of respect, honesty, trust, friendship, and love? Please know it’s quite unlikely. A marriage license won’t be a miracle remedy for a fickle relationship. You will want to develop a deeper connection between you and your partner before tying the knot.
A relationship can’t survive the rocky waters unless you get to the root of your issues to maintain a healthy, loving, and harmonious relationship. Identifying and working through your challenges will allow you to have growth for an amazing connection, as demonstrated in research on communication in marriage.
There is no band-aid strong enough to make a relationship work if both partners are not invested before marriage. Marriage can be a beautiful life goal when love and friendship are at the heart of the union.
Signifying your vows collectively while embracing each of your idiosyncrasies as a whole gives new purpose to the deep love you share. While a marriage license will not protect you from disheartening moments, it conveys the joint message, “We made this commitment together for better or worse.”
If you want a relationship that is authentic and will stand the test of time, you’ll want to follow your heart when choosing a partner. Selecting someone for materialistic reasons just because they look good on paper is bound to lead to serious heartbreak.
Jan and Jillian Yuhas are dating and relationship lifestyle coaches who help men attract the women they want. They have been featured in The Good Men Project, Thrive Global, and Shoutout DFW, among many others.