How To Stay Safe At Home During The Coronavirus Outbreak — By Having Super Hot Phone Sex
Here’s how to do it in five easy steps, even if you've never tried before.
DeMorris Byrd on Unsplash COVID-19, widely known as the coronavirus, continues to spread. Like most of us, you probably have some concerns about your health, as well as that of your family.
We've all been watching the developments and the spread of this new viral strain closely. For now, the only way to ensure that we minimize any chances of infection is to ... yes, you heard it from the CDC ... stay home and practice "social distancing."
Dr. Anthony S. Fauci, Director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (NIAID), warned that breathing each other’s air is what spreads the disease, and that he believes things will get worse before they get better.
We all need to immediately alter common behaviors, like casually touching our faces, which we know spread other virus strains like the common flu. This means we all have to change the way we connect with people as well.
Socially, we have to stop shaking hands. I suggest bowing. Bow to your neighbors, do the Namaste thing. It's nicer anyway.
And what about sex? What if your partner travels or lives in another part of town or has otherwise potentially been exposed to COVID-19?
You want to stay at least six feet apart, you don’t want to touch skin, and for sure you don’t want to swap spit.
So what's the solution to avoiding the coronavirus while meeting your sexual needs? Phone sex. Lots and lots of phone sex.
But how do you do that? How do you make hot love to your partner through your smartphone if it's never been your thing?
I personally have never been a sexting kind of gal, but I do travel a lot and am currently bicoastal, living part of the time in Santa Monica and part of the time in New Haven. Because of the situation, I'm not opposed to sending my husband a boob shot every once in a while (as long as I can take at least twenty-five options first before I get one I like, taken in low lighting, of course, and then with a good filter on it).
Usually, when he get one of my pics he texts back a few lines like, “Huh. What’s this? The Santa Monica mountain range?” Or, “Are you having some kind of weird fruit for dinner?”
But now the landscape has changed. We are all going to have to rethink those sexy selfies. They have more meaning now. And sex will have to become more virtual.
In a recent article in The Cut, Amanda Arnold said, “Phone sex, to the unaccustomed, might be intimidating. Am I really supposed to narrate what I want to do to this person I cannot touch, and ask them do it in return, and eventually orgasm?”
The answer is yes, you have to do it, because you're likely to be quarantined at work or home, and this may be the way things are for a while.
Or think of it this way: it could be the next level of erotic fun in your relationship.
Here’s how to have great phone sex (and avoid catching the coronavirus as a bonus).
- Turn down the lights. Lighting is everything. If you want more of a sexy mood. Light some candles. Maybe a Goop candle that smells like Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina.
- Wear something sexy: Or tell them you’re wearing something sexy. It really doesn’t matter if you keep the camera on your phone off, and you just talk to each other. You can be wearing whatever you want. But if it makes you feel sexy, put on something nice.
- Call your partner: Make sure you have earbuds on. It’s easier to touch yourself if you’re not fumbling with the phone. Or set it next to you on the pillow. I suggest the pillow because I suggest doing this from your bed. Make yourself comfortable.
- Ask your partner what they’re wearing: Laugh when they tell you, whether it’s true or not. It's okay to not take yourself or the whole situation too seriously.
- Get busy: Touch yourself, use a vibrator or your hand with some good lube. Tell them you’re touching yourself. Ask them to tell you what they want to do to you right now. Say, “What do you wish you were doing right now?”
That’s it.
You got this.
Take it from here.
Tammy Nelson, Ph.D. is a sex and relationship therapist and the author of "When You're the One Who Cheats." She is a TEDx speaker and host of the podcast The Trouble with Sex. Visit her website for more information,