If You Really Love Someone, You Ask These 10 Questions Every Day
Wanting to communicate well and doing so are two different things.
cottonbro studio | Canva When connecting with the partner we love, we try to communicate well. We know good communication is essential to maintaining a happy, strong marriage. We also understand keeping things positive reduces the conflict couples experience.
Wanting to communicate well and doing so are two different things. A strong connection with a long-term partner requires syncing up on many levels, not just chit-chatting about the minutia of your day-to-day.
Here's if you love someone, you ask these 10 questions every day.
1. "How are you doing today?"
Not "what" are you doing but "how" are you doing? Ask this question while looking your spouse directly in the eye. If you think something is going on they need to talk about, touch them on the arm or shoulder as you ask the question, or touch them softly on the face and tell them, "I want to know how you are doing."
2. "Is there anything I can do to help you?"
You see your spouse is busy, hurried, or experiencing some frustration with getting everything done. Ask this question and be ready to take action on any request for help.
If you live with someone who tends to do it all on their own, touch them and look them in the eyes and say, "I want to help you with this. What can I do?"
3. "What's important to you?"
When you know your spouse is trying to make an important decision, ask them this question. Another way to ask it is, "What do you want?" It's necessary to know their heart-felt answer to this question to understand your spouse’s thinking and needs. Asking it invites them to think through and talk about what they value most.
4. "What would you like to do?"
Ask this question during free time, when planning a date, going out to eat, or discussing deeper-level goals and direction in life. Another way to ask is, "If you could do anything you wanted, what would that be?" You know your spouse's goals and dreams, so work with them to see how to make their wants, desires, and aspirations possible.
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5. "How can I encourage you?"
This question is especially important to ask when you know your spouse is going through a difficult or frustrating time. Perhaps it's a challenge your spouse is facing alone, or it could be a life obstacle you are facing together. Find out what your spouse needs to feel nurtured and supported, then do as much as you can.
6. "What goals would you like to set for us and yourself?"
If every day feels like too much, you should at least ask and seriously discuss this question every few months. There are several areas to consider when you discuss this question, including career, family, wealth or possessions, friendships, marriage, and self-development (skills, hobbies, or education). Don’t forget to think about mental and spiritual growth.
7. "Are you happy with where our relationship is going?"
Again, perhaps this is too much to ask daily, but this is an important question every couple should discuss at least annually.
Review how things have been going between you the past few months and determine any mid-course corrections to make your relationship healthy and fulfilling.
8. "What is your biggest fear?"
This is not a question you often think to ask, but it's vital to know their answer. The world we live in is constantly changing. Know the concerns that bother your spouse and be open to a conversation about their worries, even if you aren't concerned about the same things.
Whether it's a project at work, a conversation with a family member, or the state of global affairs, know what scares your partner so you can help ease their fears.
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9. "What makes you feel the most happy?"
Life is not always fun. We spend much of our time doing our jobs at work or home. Be sure you and your partner are getting a payoff for your hard work and effort.
Be involved in the things that bring happiness to each of you. The things that bring the greatest happiness can change depending on your stage in life. Don’t be surprised when something new moves to the top of the list.
10. "What do you want out of our life together?"
This question can involve short-term and long-term goals, objectives, and desires. Take the time to know what the goals are for your spouse and give them the attention they deserve. Your efforts to make their ideal life a reality will help motivate your spouse to prioritize your goals, objectives, and desires as well.
Drs. Debbie and David McFadden are relationship and life coaches with master's degrees in education and social work. They specialize in helping struggling and distressed couples improve their relationships.