If You're Feeling 'Burnt Out' From Love, Psychologist Says Make These 5 Changes

"I'm just not going to date for a while" is a frequent refrain I hear from my clients. There's often a lack of enthusiasm and resolve in the delivery, signaling ambivalence.

You're probably familiar with the idea of burnout concerning repetitive, boring jobs or highly stressful work situations. Fatigue and a lack of interest in your work are among the signs.

You can burn out from almost anything, including dating. To give you good dating advice you'll follow, here are the tell-tale signs of dating burnout and strategies to avoid it.

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If you're feeling burnt out from love, make these 5 changes:

1. Rekindle interest in something you've put on the back burner

You should ask yourself why you're pursuing someone at all if you can barely muster the enthusiasm to get ready. Or perhaps you've lowered the bar too much and your dates aren't interesting. In either case, it's time to focus on something else.

Instead, rekindle interest in something you've put on the back burner, so to speak. When dating takes over all of your spare time, you push away other interests that help keep you calm, sane, and less stressed.

De-stress by pursuing those other interests. You'll probably find your lackluster interest being replaced with new energy from success in other challenges.

2. Stop overthinking each date

It's great to consider how the date went and what you might like to do differently next time. When you spend the whole day ruminating about what you should have said on that date, it's a good sign you're heading toward burnout.

Instead, be authentic. You won't have to think as much. Consider the people with whom you can be real. You can probably be real with your family, friends, or at work.

Spend a little energy thinking about what you can do to boost your enjoyment with these people. Then bring that positive energy to each date and be yourself — your best self.

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3. Stop obsessing about the dating scene ad nauseam

Of course, you should put energy into any enterprise if it's going to be successful. That said, pouring over each dating website, your profile, where the best meet-ups are, and what you need to do to be better at dating is probably a bit over the top. 

When you're staying up way too late to get in more time online just to tweak or search a little more, you're heading toward burnout.

Instead, give it time. When you choose an online dating site or a social scene, stick with it for a while. The same goes for your online dating profile. Give things a month or two and then decide if the profile or site is a keeper or if it's time to change things up and move on.

Remember that patience is a virtue. According to research, 3 in 10 American adults have used an online dating site, and 40% of them have stated that online dating has made it easier for them to meet people. 

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4. Set realistic goals for new dates

You can't possibly know if the next date is going to be the one to father your child or build your dream house with you. Step back and consider whether your expectations are realistic or a sign that you're getting desperate.

Instead, try to set reasonable expectations. You have to have some positive expectations to make the best of a date, but if your expectations run too high, you'll end up anxious or disappointed.

Cultivate a beginner's mind and treat each date as an opportunity to have a good time, meet someone new, and learn something about them. 

5. Take a breath

If you need to take an extra breath because of the tight feeling in your chest or bring your hands to your head as if to stop the muddled thoughts or headache coming on, you're probably overdoing things.

Instead, enjoy the journey. Yes, you're trying to find someone to connect with, but in the meantime, you get to go to some great restaurants, see that new museum show, and have someone to bike with. Have fun with it.

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When dating has become like a part-time job, on top of your regular job, it's time to step back and assess. It could be time for a break, as some of my clients say. 

But evaluating your approach and changing things up a bit may just give you the optimism and energy to chill out and have a good time.

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Judith Tutin, Ph.D., ACC, is a licensed psychologist and certified life coach. She shares more work in her book, The Post-Divorce Survival Guide.