4 Tiny Ways To Save Your Dignity After Getting Stood Up
Did he forget about you or is he in a coma? Does it matter?
Antonio_Diaz, energepic.com | Canva Dating in the age of technology seems easy. At the touch of a button on your smartphone, you have access to literally thousands of singles through online dating sites and apps. But what happens when you meet someone with potential, so you arrange a date, and bam! Your date never shows up.
You are left at the amusement park, heartbroken and alone, eating $10 french fries and riding the roller coaster all by yourself. Your mind starts reeling.
"What is going on here? Is my date in a coma? Does he need me by his side? That's the only reasonable excuse he could have for standing me up."
If you've ever been stood up (is it ghosting if you've never actually met?), know you are not alone. Maybe you're alone in the relationship department for now, but you're not the only one who has been stood up by a date before.
Here's what to do (and not do!) after you've been stood up on a first date
1. Don't flood him with texts or calls
If you were stood up on a date, don't blow up their phone! Whatever you do, don't start calling him excessively until he picks up. Or rather, never picks up. If they are in a coma (which is probably not the case), they won't hear it anyway. And if they are still shacking up from last night, they most likely won't pick up the phone to ask you out for bagels in the morning to make up for it.
Photo: fizkes via Shutterstock
2. Take it easy on yourself
Just because your date ghosted you doesn't mean you are a loser, a lackey, or a fool. You just happened to get hit with a dating rogue wave. Sometimes, ghosting happens to the best of us. You are lucky they let you down now — before you find out they're the best kisser on the planet, and you start falling for them, only to be left heartbroken later.
3. Don't take it personally
This is an opportunity to learn how to get comfortable in your single skin. It is not your fault your date blew you off. Something actually could have happened like they did lose their phone or their grandmother died. Or they could give you a big pretend excuse like the one I heard once: "I was at a Mormon College, my phone and my computer got stolen and there was no Internet there." Yeah, right. In this case, it’s not you, it's them.
4. Learn from your past and don't make this mistake again
If you've been rejected and experienced heartbreak in the past — when you were a kid or in a past relationship — it can affect how you feel today, even as an adult. If your dad didn’t want to come to your little league games when you were seven years old, the same kind of feelings and hormones will flood your body today. So the broken heart you're feeling after being ghosted could stem from being rejected in the past.
That was then, and this is now. If you are still having trouble letting go of past rejections, there are a few things you can do today that will help you become more aware of yourself and help you move on. Meditate, appreciate, and celebrate who you are right now, even if you are single. And as much as being ghosted sucks, every date that stands you up is an opportunity to show that you dare to dust yourself off and get back out there again.
Dina Colada is an author, speaker, and dating coach who specializes in helping single women navigate the modern world of online dating. Her work has appeared on sites like Prevention, MSN, Women’s Health, Plenty of Fish, and Zoosk.