The 3 'Green Flags' Men Look For First In Women
The easiest things you can do to draw a man in.
Dean Drobot | Canva Women frequently ask me what guys are looking for in their relationships with the women in their lives. And although they may realize how uncomplicated guys are, they are still usually surprised by the simplicity of my answer. In general, men are looking for three things when they become involved romantically with a woman: intimacy, comfort, and companionship.
And that’s pretty much it. While there are certainly some men who have additional prerequisites on their relationship checklists, they are by far the minority and don’t merit much examination in a general discussion about men and their motivations.
Here are the 3 'green flags' men look for first in women:
1. Intimacy
So on to the first thing that men want (and the highest on their “to-do” list): intimacy. As you know, this is mucho important to guys. It’s what motivates us to get out of bed every morning (with the hope that soon we’ll be hopping back in for a steamy interlude with an equally hot playmate).
As much as most men love to eat, one study found that if guys had to choose between intimacy and food, starvation would be the number one cause of death in the male population. So it only makes sense that one of the primary things we look for in our relationships is intimate compatibility.
And while that sounds as if we might be rating your performance in some way, truth be told, if you’re willing to get with us regularly — then by our yardstick, we’re perfectly compatible.
2. Comfort
Okay, let’s now talk about “comfort.” Men often look to their women to provide a safe haven, a comfortable place, and a warm atmosphere in which to escape the brutality of everyday life. I’m not talking about a physical environment, but an emotional one (although the physical comfort of resting our weary head on your soft breast is a big favorite of ours).
We like to kick back with you in a relaxed atmosphere, away from the pressures of the outside world. We like your supportive attitude and soothing words. We relish your warmth and understanding. In other words, your very presence makes us feel better. Conversely, if you treat us with disdain, criticism, and antipathy (like most of the rest of the world), we’re likely to want to be anywhere but where we are.
Pexels / Yan Krukau
3. Companionship
And now to “companionship.” As it sounds, what we are looking for is someone fun to just be around; a person who shares our interests, dreams, goals, and sense of humor; someone who’s just cool to hang out with and willing to accompany us on elaborate (and sometimes hair-brained) adventures.
We want a woman who enjoys our company as much as we enjoy hers. And when we’ve found that person we have so much in common with, it is only natural that we try and maximize our time together — so powerful is the draw of compatibility. A 2022 survey showed that couples with higher average companionship were more positive and, happier.
So there you have the shockingly simple truth about what we seek in our relationships with you. I know it must seem as if we’re searching for more: perhaps a partner, soul mate, life mate, coffee mate (sorry, couldn’t resist), co-parent, or roommate. We're just looking to be loved.
David M. Matthews is an Emmy-winning TV writer, producer, relationship coach, and author.