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It all has to do with your online dating profile.
By Dave Elliott
Last updated on Apr 03, 2024
You may be surprised to find out why online dating sites aren't working for you. It's not creeps texting you pictures of their junk, it's not gold-diggers out for free meals, it's not married people secretly looking for a little action on the side, and it's not scammers or catfish preying on lonely people in an attempt to extort money. I've heard all the horror stories in my work as a relationship coach. Despite the dark side of looking for love with online dating, the reality might shock you even more because it's unexpected. What's the real reason online dating isn't working for you?
The truth is no matter what your experience or back story, the main reason dating sites don't work for the majority of people is simple: it's ineffective or poorly developed profiles. That's the shock of it. Many of the struggles are self-inflicted. Now, if that sentence offends you at all, that may be a clue for you to pay special attention. I didn't say it's all your fault or that you somehow deserve to suffer; on the contrary, I do this work because everyone deserves to feel more loved than they've felt before — and that includes you.
The reality is, that a third of all new marriages began with an online date, so there is absolutely no doubt whatsoever that online dating does work. But here's the other interesting statistic: only about 20 percent of online daters say it's working for them, which is defined by whether they're dating, in a relationship, engaged, or married as a result. If you do the quick and simple math there, that means that 80 percent of online daters are not getting the results they think they're paying for on those sites. Too many great people are getting frustrated and starting to doubt themselves because they might not be great writers or understand one other critical distinction that makes all the difference.
Let me explain. Your dating profile is an advertisement. That's because its job is to get attention, cause engagement, pique curiosity, create a favorable impression, and generate a response. If your profile fails at any single one of those jobs, you fail. Game over. No click? No date. No intrigue? No sale. The difference between a good ad and a bad ad is simple. A good ad works and gets a response, which is the intended result; a bad ad gets ignored and is a tremendous waste of time, money, and resources.
Remember, we're talking about 80 percent of millions of people. There are a lot of great catches slipping through those nets every day and I want to change that. The specific problem with most dating profiles is that they lack a cohesive and coherent message, so it's no surprise that potential partners lose the thread or check out early. That's an automatic fail. If someone can't get a "takeaway," they will tend to "go away." Rather than offering crystal clarity about what the writer brings to the table for their partner, they focus on self-serving, pointless, and unconvincing recitations of their demands. That sounds more like a ransom letter than a love note to the partner you haven't yet met, doesn't it?
Is it any wonder that's not working? If it wouldn't work with you, why do you think someone else might be intrigued by that approach? You can't expect to get attention if your profile blends in and sounds like every other profile, can you? Your dating profile is failing — just like 80 percent of them do — because it's missing some key ingredients that people need to see you as a viable, potential partner. The bottom line? There's no reason to throw away good money on dating sites when you can throw away your old, ineffective dating profile instead. What have you got to lose but your frustration or loneliness?
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Dave Elliott is a relationship coach, human behavior specialist, and author of The Catch Your Match Formula. He has appeared in multiple media outlets and publications, including eHarmony, PopSugar, Latina, Psych Central, and Fox News, among many others.