What Women Need To Know About Men's Feelings, According To A Man
Your partner doesn't perceive emotions the same way you do.
Ioana Casapu | Canva Guys get a bad rap when it comes to feelings. Some people think men don't have feelings, don't want to share, and don't want to listen, either. But that's not true. Here's what's going on for men when it comes to feelings, and show you how you can use this knowledge to build a solid foundation for a secure, lasting relationship.
Here's what women need to know about men's feelings, according to a man.
1. Understand men don't feel the way you do
A lot of the pain and frustration I see results from thinking men function like women when it comes to feelings. But the truth is men have a much harder time processing and handling feelings. We haven't been taught how to be good at it. We also don't have the same emotional support system many women have, which explains why men escape into things like work, sports, and the television.
If you can understand this and learn to work with us instead of against us, you're already getting a huge advantage when it comes to men and relationships Another thing to remember is that as men, we want to fix things. And we get frustrated when we can't.
2. Take the pressure off him to fix your feelings
Of course, you want a man to acknowledge and satisfy your feelings and desires. It's a man's place in a relationship to be a good partner, care for you, listen, be a great lover, connect, be loyal, and share.
But, when you demand that he meet your emotional needs because you lean on him out of your fears, frustrations, and uncertainty, you set both of you up for disappointment. No relationship can meet all your emotional needs. Relationships are supposed to be about growth and not about becoming dependent on someone else meeting your emotional needs at any time you want.
3. Take the lead in positive communication
Now that you know you are much more adept at feeling and sharing them, use this knowledge to create a supportive environment for good communication with your man. How? First, always try to come from a place of compassion and understanding. I know this is hard to do, but think about it, you get what you give. You will get further with a man when you approach your interactions with him this way. Understand he doesn't perceive feelings and communication the way you do.
Instead of approaching a conversation thinking he has done something on purpose or being insensitive, shift your awareness to thinking he needs help understanding where you're coming from. Then, communicate from that place. Instead of saying, "I'm fed up you never want to hang out with my friends." Try a positive set-up like, "You know I want us both to feel happy in this relationship, and I always want to be honest with you. I notice that we don't do a lot of things with my friends, and I'd like them to know you better. How do you think we can make this work for both of us?” When you talk to a man with a positive set-up like this, you prime him to see that you are not looking to fight, you're looking to get things right.
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To make a relationship work, you must understand that your partner often doesn't perceive emotions the same way you do when it comes to connecting on an emotional level. But when you take responsibility for your feelings and share them with him in a positive way, he'll see you are a capable, competent woman who works for the relationship, the kind of woman he wants to have at his side.
Christian Carter is a dating coach and author of the e-book Catch Him & Keep Him. He has helped more than three million women become more successful with men, dating, and relationships.