Is Your Job Killing Your Dating Life?

Is Your Job Killing Your Dating Life?

Is Your Job Killing Your Dating Life?

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You show up to a bar, running late, checking your email and thinking about the latest problem with your job.

You look up, see him, and your mind immediately goes back to that last email. You sigh, and you feel like crap from all the crap you've been putting up with all day.

At dinner he asks politely, “And what do you do for a living?”
 
You think, “Dissatisfaction.”
 
You say, “Oh, don't get me started.”
 
He thinks, “Hmm, why is she so upset?” and... "Is she always like this?"
 
He says, “All right, I won't.”
 
This night was over before it began. Your career consumed all your happiness and joyous energy and therefore all of your chances for romantic success.
 
Has this happened to you?
 
Here is the thing - I've watched so many wonderful, powerful, and committed women put themselves last.  They get subsumed by helping their team, their employers, and co-workers, and at the end of the day they are just...trapped. Stuck in their suits with nothing left to give, and nothing to really nourish themselves. 
 
And because of that - they are still single.
 
The woman who was overweight and worked 80 hours a week - never making time for a date.  The co-worker who showed up to every date late, and when she was there, all she was thinking about was work, not him. 
 
If a man showed up late, stressed and unfocused on your date - would you want to see him again?
 
Exactly.
 
So if this is you, it's time to take a close look and figure out who you want to be - the woman who enjoys dates and has a relationship, or the woman who can't seem to find a man (or time for herself).
 
"Right Christie" you are probably saying in your head right now "Easier said that done. My job is hard and frustrating, and I don't have the time right now to do what I want."
 
Well - I'm here to tell you differently.
 
We spend over 3,000 hours a year at work, and unhappiness on the job leaks into every other aspect of our lives...especially our dating lives.  But the good news? There are short AND long-term solutions! I promise :).
 
Short-term fixes:
1. Before a date, block time on your calendar to decompress.  Say whatever you want it to be "Meeting with client" "Prep work for meeting" or whatever makes you feel ok, but do it.  Then you can't get overscheduled, if things run over you will have a few extra minutes handy to collect yourself, and you can take the time to take a few deep breaths.
 
2. Take a few deep breaths.  Nothing calms you down and refocuses you more than breathing. And, I'm not talking about a quick in-and-out type of breath. I'm talking about sitting back in your chair, putting your hand on your stomach, and breathing in for a count of five and out for a count of five, and do it at least three times.  Why? Well - it relaxes you, allows you to refocus, and takes away some of the "I'm tired and I feel like crap" feeling that otherwise might have walked out of the door with you. 
 
3. Remind yourself that it will all be there tomorrow.  Seriously, your job may be a drag now, and the (not-so) good news: it will be there to drag you down again tomorrow! But in this moment tonight, you can actually do something about it, and decide to let. it. go.  So often we get wrapped up in the minutiae of our jobs, but the truth is that very few of us are saving lives (if you are a doctor, I apologize now!), so you can walk away for a few hours and know that everything will be fine and will be waiting for your return.
 
Long Term Fixes:
1. You can't put a band-aid on this solution.  If work is really truly making you miserable, you need to figure out why you are staying.  What is making you afraid of leaving? Take a moment, and sit down and face the facts.  Only then can you do something about it.
 
2. Get help.  Talk to your friends, sign up for a class, or do something that actually takes you forward.  Nothing is more of a date killer than a date who is obviously unhappy in their work, and just as obviously not doing a d*mn thing about it!  Even the smallest step can give you a positive boost and more confidence - and isn't that one of the most attractive things in a date?
 
3. Tell yourself you are WORTH IT.  You don't deserve to be unhappy in your career. In fact, you deserve whatever you WANT in life. And if you don't believe it, then I will believe it for you!
 
Now - take a second and get back on the horse, and the next time you go out - look into his eyes and have some fun for a change!
 
If you need help getting out of your career frustration to find life (and dating) happiness - click here!
 
Here's to you loving your career!
Christie