3 Surprising Reasons Your Ex Keeps Running Back To You
A relationship expert explains why some guys just can't seem to let go.
Krakenimages.com / Shutterstock You likely know the definition of "boomerang" — a curved piece of wood that, when properly thrown into the air, will return to its thrower.
But did you know the associated term, "Boomerang Man?" This term refers to a man with whom a woman has stopped being romantically involved but who gets in contact for unknown reasons.
Every romantic relationship has an "original agreement" — whether it's sexual, financial, emotional or a combination of all three. When this original agreement isn't being fulfilled, it causes the relationship to stall or end.
Although there are plenty of exceptions, statistically, this happens most in new relationships, and it seems to be the woman that breaks things off for a number of reasons. And the men, if they aren't ready for it to end, often seek ways to reconcile — even in the face of obvious evidence that it is simply not going to happen.
Why men are like boomerangs — relentlessly circling back
If it's really that early in the relationship, the reasons are usually big "dealbreakers" of a sort. If the woman has a firm sense of her self-esteem, things like cheating and lying aren't forgiven. As such, the relationship may end abruptly, and the man is told (in no uncertain terms) to be gone.
The million-dollar question is, after this kind of breakup, why do some men come back or get in contact with the woman again after some time has passed? From an anonymous reader on my Facebook Page:
"I've had almost every guy of every type of relationship in the spectrum come back over the years. What prompted me to email you was that I received a well-wishing text yesterday from someone I casually dated for a few months. It ended very badly back in February after I discovered him lying about some things. I told him to never contact me again and until yesterday, he respected my wishes.
I've always said that men are like boomerangs but I never in a million years thought this one would reach out to me again for any reason, especially because when I shamed him once, he confessed to everything that was going on."
Men learn from their mistakes but some of them don't learn as quickly as some women would hope, and sometimes they come back to try again after they learn some new things. This usually doesn't jibe well.
The question is, why do they return and, sometimes, even ask to get back together?
Here are three surprising reasons your ex keeps coming back to you:
1. They miss the epic sex
No man wants to give up good sex. If there was a good physical relationship, it's a good reason for him to return. Is the woman able to separate the physical stuff that works in the relationship from the emotional aspects that may be lacking?
2. They simply want a do-over
When it comes to relationships, most men are experiential learners and they learn more by making mistakes. After they've made a few, they end up altering some things (behavior, patterns, etc.) and set out to their next relationship, presumably more prepared.
If he made a bunch of mistakes with a past partner, yet felt that there was some kind of connection, he may return for a second go-round.
Note, however, that relationship dynamics tend to stay the same, even on a second try. After all, when you pull milk out of the fridge and it's spoiled, you don't put it back and hope it's fresh tomorrow. Sometimes, you just have to throw it out.
3. They're single again and desperate
Men on the rebound tend to reconnect with past girlfriends and lovers. The reasons vary, but mostly due to the above mentions and motivations. By reaching out with a simple phone call, email, or text message, he's testing the waters and will gauge what is possible by the woman's reaction.
Here is my advice: While some boomerang relationships can be successful, there have to be some changes made. Unless the individuals have fundamentally changed for themselves, a rekindled relationship runs the risk of picking up the same failed dynamics exactly where it left off.
Remember, there was a reason the relationship failed in the first place.
Charles J. Orlando is a bestselling author and relationship/interpersonal relations expert who has spent the last 10+ years connecting with thousands of people.