6 Tiny Things Your Marriage Must Have If You Want It To Last Forever
Create a long-lasting bond.
Lucas Mendes | Unsplash Given the realities of two-income households, should women still look for the same type of spouse our mothers and grandmothers looked for? Whether you're in a relationship already or searching for the right person to say "I Do" with, knowing how to check your partner's potential for a blissfully satisfying marriage is critical. So, what are the updated standards for a good partner these days? Are they the same for everyone?
Here are 6 tiny things your marriage must have if you want it to last forever.
1. General compatibility
What do they look like? How emotionally stable are they? Do you want someone who is the walking wounded or clingy? A good spouse needs the strength to stand on their own feet and still prop you up when necessary.
2. The ability to truly choose the relationship
Rather than saying "I do" out of obligation or fear of being alone.
Photo: lucyluphoto via Shutterstock
3. Shared fundamental values, beliefs, interests, and goals
This is key to a strong marriage. While opposites attract, you'll make each other unstable if a "saver" marries a "spender" or a free spirit marries an authoritarian type. As a divorce attorney, I can't impress upon you enough that couples I work with are almost always those who are incompatible. Explore this area before you marry (this questionnaire is a great start!).
4. The ability to express anger clearly and directly (thus resolving differences through communication and compromise)
The ability to express anger, disappointment, and frustration healthily is so important. Telltale signs to look out for are explosive outbursts, sulking if they don't get their way, or not taking your opinion seriously. A good partner is a stand-up person who has your back, doesn't act spoiled, or takes up all the oxygen in the room. A modern relationship is equal and balanced. Some people are incapable of sharing, and those are the very people you should avoid.
5. Laughter, fun, and pleasure with each other
What do you like to do? What is your idea of fun? It's somewhat tragic to see couples who don't enjoy doing things together because their interests are different. A person who needs to stay in a good hotel is not going to find happiness with someone who loves camping outdoors. Be as detailed as possible when making your list. A good spouse should enjoy doing things you enjoy. Otherwise, you'll be off in separate directions.
Having a sense of humor is vital. People who take themselves too seriously, or can't relax and play, are a challenge for people who are fun-loving and sociable. Everything comes back to compatibility. Most marriages based on love alone aren't a solid basis for a marriage. The more you have in common, the better off you (and your relationship) will be.
6. Genuinely supporting each other's activities, interests, and careers
Supporting each other's interests and careers is a more critical factor than being "in love" — an emotion that comes and goes over time. I know, call me a killjoy, but when it comes down to day-to-day life together, things like being able to have a "fair fight," shared interests and activities, common goals, and outlook on life are way more important than the initial hot rush of being in love.
If you break these down into things to look for in a partner, it's relatively easy to make your list. Not everyone is a fan of making lists. It may feel odd to put what you're looking for in a spouse down on paper, but if you don't know what you are looking for, how will you know when you find it? Remember the adage: "Those who fail to plan, plan to fail." Then, start working on that list.
Belinda Rachman is a divorce lawyer who specializes in peaceful divorce meditation.