5 Things That Will Actually Pull A Man Back When He's Slipping Away
Start pulling him back before your relationship is hanging by a thread.
Dean Drobot | Shutterstock What should you do when the love you felt for your partner starts slipping away? You reconnect. But how? Don't worry, I've got a system for you!
If you find your relationship dangling at the end of a rope, you C.L.I.M.B. (connect, love, invest, motivate, be) back up, of course!
There's a 5-step, fool-proof method to help get you back on track by practicing these behaviors, you'll be on your way to creating a confident and fulfilled relationship.
Five things that will pull a man back when he's slipping away
1. Connect with your partner
The key to a good connection is true intimacy, which means openly and willingly showing your vulnerability. To do this well, you must pay attention and set your intention.
When you pay attention, you have directed and conscious thoughts. When you set an intention, you think before you act. You decide in advance how you want to be and interact with your partner before you walk through the door.
Make a choice today to truly connect with your partner by consistently paying attention and setting the intention to do so, daily.
Relationship coach Mary Kay Cocharo advised, "When we connect, truly connect, with each other, we reinforce our enjoyment in the relationship. Being physically present — whether you're talking, cooking, or folding laundry — activates and reinforces the brain’s relational circuitry. This builds a type of safety with one another and allows us to relax and experience joy."
2. Love your partner — (even if you don't feel loved back yet)
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It’s true you can’t make someone else love you, but you can love them. Stop waiting for your partner to say "I love you" or behave in a sweet way — by loving yourself first.
Leave your ego at the door. It’s easy to show someone you love them after they do the same. The trick is to remain loving even when your partner is not. Act out brave, loving emotions, not fearful ones.
Jealousy, resentment, hate, depression, anxiety, helplessness, and hopelessness — are all fear-based emotions. Instead, show loving emotions — appreciation, gratitude, patience, compassion, kindness, and generosity. When you’re in love, you feel your life has an abundance. When you’re in fear, you see scarcity everywhere.
"Think about all the special things that your partner does for you (and even better, how about making a list!) — not only physical things like taking out the garbage or making your favorite dinner, " recommended Therapist Rachel Moheban, "How about the way that they are sensitive to your feelings? Or makes an effort to be a great parent? What made you fall in love in the first place? It’s all the little (as well as the big) things that count. They help define our relationships, and remembering and mentioning those things can help prevent your partner from feeling taken for granted."
3. Invest 100 percent in your relationship
Let me ask you a question: If you gave only 50 percent of your effort at work, do you expect to get a raise or a promotion? No, of course not. So, my next question is: What do you think giving only 50 percent in your relationship will yield?
We often put in a huge effort at work or pour attention and effort into our kids, but then give our partners the dregs of what’s left. Remember, giving 50 percent won’t create the relationship you want, and giving 150 percent is called co-dependency. Give 100 percent, your whole self, to your partner, as suggested by psychiatrists Phyllis Koch-Sheras & Peter Sheras.
4. Motivate yourself to nurture your relationship in some way every day
Be enthusiastic when it comes to your partner and relationship, as shown by an article in Personality and Social Psychology Bulletin. Motivation is a state, not a trait. (Let me repeat that: Motivation is a state, not a trait.) This means it’s not something permanent like your height or eye color. It’s something that comes and goes.
People aren’t permanently "motivated" or "happy." People are just people. You need to dig deep and choose motivation daily (and, sometimes, even minute-to-minute. Deliberately think of things you love about your partner, or of how you’ll feel when you’re getting along and feel connected, though. Use these positive thoughts to fuel your motivation.
5. Be present in the here and now
Stay present in your moments — don’t dwell on the past or trip on the future. Act consciously in each situation and take it for what it is, not what you think it could or should be.
Remember, your past doesn’t equal your future. Your past equals your present. What you do right now decides your future. No matter what happened to your relationship in the past, tomorrow can be different if you make new, more loving choices today.
Dr. Abby Medcalf is a relationship mover and motivational speaker who has been helping individuals and couples create happy, connected, and fulfilled relationships for 25 years.