Woman Claims She Was Broken Up With Because She Posted A Video With Her Best Friend — Everyone Is On The Man's Side
Was it insecurity or appropriate enforcement of boundaries?
@tweeda.deelee / TikTok A woman on TikTok shared the story about how the man she had been seeing “broke up” with her after he saw the video she posted on her Instagram story with her best friend.
The woman posted a photo of her and her male best friend.
“I got broken up with because I posted this video on my story,” she said in her video. The video was of her and her best friend at a concert with the caption “LOVE HIM SO BAD” while he holds up a mini fan that’s blowing in her face because of the heat.
Photo: @tweeda.leedee / TikTok
She explained that she might’ve been a tad dramatic with “broken up,” since they’d only been on one date and had only been talking for about three weeks, but the point remains.
“He basically told me that he doesn't do guy best friends with the girl that he's speaking to,” she explained, “and if he's pursuing someone, he just doesn't really respect the fact that I'm, you know, I have a male in my life that I love real bad.”
She explained, of course, that she has nothing but platonic love for her best friend and doesn’t see him as anything more than her own brother, but he set his own boundary, and she claimed to respect it despite not thinking it was fair.
The question of whether or not women and men can just be friends is continually debated.
Naturally, women are and should be allowed to have male best friends. In fact, research shows that these types of friendships are beneficial to both parties, as a 2016 study found "cross-sex friendships provided both sexes with new understandings and perspectives of the opposite sex."
Denying your partner (or potential partner) the right to friendships based on gender is controlling. Relationships are based on mutual respect and trust, and part of that is hopefully understanding that your partner would never do anything to compromise that.
Regardless of that, he had a boundary set from the beginning and wasn’t willing to compromise, so they parted ways. He’s also allowed to do that as it saved both of them the trouble of this problem arising later down the road.
Many people spoke up in support of the man, however, and shamed her for having a male best friend.
Her best friend was a man, and the man she was seeing wasn’t a big fan of how close she seemed to be with her best friend. After the two of them had a conversation, he decided to end things, and she seemed to be totally fine with it, asking her TikTok viewers, “Was it really that deep?”
The video gained a lot of traction on Twitter, and a majority of people seemed to be on the man’s side — praising him for ending things with her so quickly. Many people agreed with the sentiment that he did the right thing, but the entire concept is still a polarizing one.
“They've been friends for 6 years, and it seems like [there are] 2 people already in this relationship, and 3 is a crowd,” Life Coach Shawnda said in response to the woman’s video. She points out how the woman claimed to “love him so bad,” and said, “Why are you using relationship and romantic lingo with a platonic friend like you're the one that's blurring the lines?”
Shawnda does say that no one is expecting her to stop being friends with her male best friend, but she does say “You're expecting him to overlook a lot.” By doing this and saying the things that she’s saying, she’s placing a lot of the responsibility onto her instead of the man who’s entering a relationship with her.
Shawnda believes that this woman isn’t being honest with herself about how her male best friend might feel, seemingly subscribing to the idea that men and women can never be just friends — a sentiment that simply isn’t true.
She also defends the man’s actions by claiming that he wasn’t controlling. Saying “It would be controlling if he said, ‘I really like you, I wanna stay in your life, but you're gonna have to let go of that friend of yours for 6 years.’”
“This man didn't say any of that. He just said, I already see after 3 dates, this is too much for me and I can't handle it. Best of luck to you. He's not wrong for that.”
Isaac Serna-Diez is an Assistant Editor for YourTango who focuses on entertainment and news, social justice, and politics.