Woman Blames '90s Do-It-All Moms' For Making It Challenging To Parent Today
"I feel like we grew up in the generation where our moms worked plus did the primary caregiving and all of the things."
Alena Ozerova / Shutterstock A woman explained why she feels slightly "screwed over" by her own mother, especially now that she's become a parent herself in a more modernized society. In a TikTok video, Kat Bernard, a mom of one, shared that she has a bone to pick with the women and mothers of the 90s and how their behavior seemingly put a lot of pressure on millennial mothers today.
She explained that the 90s 'do-it-all moms' made it challenging to break that stigma for parenting today.
"It's gonna come off so bad. But does anyone else feel, like, screwed over by their mom a little bit?" Bernard questioned at the start of her since-deleted video. She clarified that a lot of her frustrations came from how the role of motherhood and marriage seemed to be something that 90s mothers took on all by themselves. "I feel like we grew up in the generation where our moms worked plus did the primary caregiving and all of the things," she continued. "They were literally everything and they did it, and I don't know how they did it, but I don't want to do it."
Bernard also acknowledged that a lot of husbands today grew up in the 90s seeing their mothers handle all of the household responsibilities and childcare while holding down jobs. Now, as adults, many of these men expect the same thing from their own wives in their relationship dynamics.
"I feel like our husbands maybe have a little bit of that expectation too," she pointed out. "I feel like that's why people are getting divorced more, or waiting longer to [settle down] because we don't want to put up with that."
Bernard remarked that women today are refusing to put 100% into both a career and parenting while being with someone who is only putting 50% into one, which usually happens to be work. That inevitably leaves all of the other responsibilities for women to figure out.
Unfortunately, what was intended as a lighthearted TikTok meant to draw attention to the societally imposed inequality that has plagued women for generations drew quite a bit of backlash, and Bernard felt compelled to remove the orignal post and instead clarify with an update.
"I was not actually blaming moms," Bernard explained. Adding, "I just found they were absolutely incredible at what they did, and realistically I think it's a social problem and a patriarchy issue." Fundamentally, the intent of her initial video was to draw attention to the misconception surrounding the "equal division of labor in the household."
The attitude toward marriage is steadily changing in the United States.
According to data acquired by CNBC, almost 90% of the world’s population now live in countries with falling marriage rates. In the U.S., marriage has declined by 60% since the 1970s, while the median age for first marriages has increased for both men and women.
Not only are marriage rates declining, but people are starting to wait longer and longer to tie the knot. According to the Pew Research Center, the share of U.S. adults who are married by age 21 sank from about one-third in 1980 to 6% in 2021. The share who ended up getting married by 25 plunged from nearly two-thirds to 22%.
Susan Brown, professor of sociology and director of the Center for Family and Demographic Research at Bowling Green State University, told The Hill that the reason why many young adults are waiting longer to get married is because there are more things now to be checked off before taking that leap.
"There’s a longer checklist of items you need to complete before you’re considered marriageable,” said Brown. “You need to get a quote-unquote real job. You need to be living independently. All of these milestones take time to achieve, and as we all know, many people aren’t ever going to achieve them.”
Speaking to Bernard's point, many women are also tired of the thought of having to take on the entirety of household responsibility. The term 'supermom' was something that embodied many 90s women, but for women in today's era, that word is now seen as glorifying self-sacrifice and forcing mothers to prioritize everyone except themselves.
The conversation Bernard initiates is not merely a critique of the past but a call to reassess, adapt, and forge a more fulfilling path forward for emerging parents of today and onward.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.