Newlywed Woman Shares The Exhausting And 'Time Consuming' Process Of Trying To Change Her Last Name
"I know it's not forced upon me. I want to change my name, but holy cow, the process."
@chiknnuggiesinmytummy / TikTok A newlywed woman recently opened up about how much stress she's under because of a common practice that many women have been doing since the beginning of time. In a TikTok video, Delanie Kristek ranted about a universal experience that men will never be able to understand as she goes about a long and exhausting process now that she is married.
She claimed that it's both stressful and 'time-consuming' to try and change her last name.
"Men in heterosexual marriages will never understand the mental load and time investment of changing your last name," Kristek pointed out. "I'm in the process of changing my last name right now and all I've changed is my social [security card] and now I'm on to the point where I'm changing my driver's license."
She continued, saying that even though she was gifted a newly-named box, which is given to newlywed women to make it easier for them to change their last names and includes clear instructions, Kristek is still finding it to be way too time-consuming and difficult.
She explained that she had gone on the Texas Department of Public Safety's website to schedule an appointment so that she could change her last name on her driver's license. Now, following COVID, Kristek was forced to make an appointment instead of being able to just show up without one, but unfortunately, the closest appointment was for January 2024.
She pointed out that even when she finally manages to switch the name on her license, she still has to do her bank accounts, insurance cards, and passport.
"If you're a business owner like myself, which I'm very proud of, but like, I'm gonna have to go through the song and dance of that situation. Changing the business to my new name," she continued. On top of that, there's also car insurance, though luckily Kristek doesn't own a car, but if she did, it would be another stressful process, as well as renters insurance.
"Most of us have multiple doctors. I have a primary-care physician, I have a gynecologist, I have a therapist," Kristek added. "There's so many places where my name appears and now I'm gonna have to go change it. Like, the mental toll that is taking on me."
She acknowledged that it's gotten to the point where every time she sees her maiden time, it's just another place that she has to go through the rounds of changing it to her new one.
"I know it's not forced upon me [and] I want to change my name, but holy cow, the process."
It's still common practice for American women to change their names after marriage.
Despite what most people believe, there are still a large number of women in this country who have no problem taking on their husband's last names. The argument has been made over the years that the tradition of women taking their husbands' last names is a reflection of the patriarchal societal structure where family names and lineage were passed down through male descendants. Many people argue that the tradition implies a loss of identity for women, as they are expected to merge their individuality with their husbands' and his family.
In a world that values individual autonomy, the idea of one partner adopting the identity of the other can often be seen as outdated or even regressive. However, in a 2023 survey released by the Pew Research Center, it was found that 79% of American women took their husbands' last names after marriage. Just 14% of women in opposite-sex marriages kept their maiden name and 5% hyphenated their maiden name and their husband's last name.
Some women were more likely than others to change their names after marriage. 20% of married women ages 18 to 49 say they kept their last name, compared to 9% of those 50 or older. Women with a postgraduate degree and liberal or Democratic women were also far more likely to do so. Hispanic women lead with about 30% keeping their names, while 10% of White women and 9% of Black women didn't change their names.
While debates are coming from both sides, almost everyone can agree that the decision to change one's last name to their partner is a personal choice, but as Kristek mentioned in her video, it's something that many heterosexual men will never have to think or worry about.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.