New Dad Walks Out On His Partner For Not Giving Up Her Separate Bedroom For Their Weeks-Old Baby
He says he's concerned about their baby's sleeping arrangements, but some think that's just an excuse.
Krakenimages.com, Evgeny Atamanenko / Shutterstock There are no two ways about it — having a baby changes everything, including your relationship with your spouse or partner. Suffice it to say, one new dad online isn't handling it well.
As he detailed in a Reddit post, his disagreements with his partner since their newborn arrived have nearly reached a breaking point, all over something petty, not to mention the insensitive, issue.
The dad walked out on his partner over a disagreement he claims is about their baby's sleeping arrangements.
Disagreements and resurfaced conflicts are common impacts newborns have on parents' relationships but walking out is not the greatest approach. That's exactly what happened with this couple, however, and it all came down to something small and increasingly common — their agreement to have separate bedrooms.
It's worked out fine throughout their relationship, but now that their baby has been born, their situation has grown far more complex, and it's brought them nearly to a breaking point.
Photo: Reddit
The man asked his partner to give up her room for the baby.
The dad and his partner sleep in separate bedrooms because she needs space to manage her mental health, but he insists she should give hers up for their baby's nursery.
"When my girlfriend and I moved in together, her condition was separate bedrooms," the dad writes. He didn't understand at first, but soon came around and it worked great. "But now it’s been 3 years and we have a newborn baby and she has refused to make one of the rooms the baby’s room," he says.
His partner's idea was to "keep her room and put the crib in the living room or have a crib in each bedroom so we 'take turns,'" but he finds this unacceptable. "To make matters worse, we haven’t spent a night together since the baby was born, I feel like a roommate." He insists that his partner should give up her bedroom because "being a parent means making sacrifices...[and] frankly, I’m appalled" she won't acquiesce.
Photo: Reddit
The tension built until he "told her she was acting like a bad partner and mother," to which she understandably responded by "screaming at me and told me she just went through 9 months of hell and that I need to get the f--k out of her sight." So he left.
Even his own family is furious with the way he's handled things. "My mother called me today, my sister yesterday, both yelled at me to get back there, to 'man up,'" he says, but he still doesn't understand why he's in the wrong and feels everyone is ignoring "the real issue" at hand. "They said 'it’s not about you' but it’s not about her either, it’s about our child."
Experts suggest some form of co-sleeping until babies are at least four months old.
Many thought the dad was using their baby's sleeping arrangements as an excuse since babies aren't even supposed to have their own room for several months.
There may be some valid reasons for this dad's consternation over his and his partner's separate bedroom schemes but their baby's sleeping arrangements are not among them.
It may not jibe with the long-held tradition of setting up an adorably decorated nursery for a new little one, but many pediatricians and parenting experts say newborn babies should not have their own bedrooms until they're at least four months old, and that until then some form of co-sleeping is the best and safest way for babies to sleep.
It's important to note that most doctors agree co-sleeping should not mean bed-sharing, which is actually correlated with a higher risk of infant death. Rather, the American Academy of Pediatrics says the best choice for a baby's sleeping arrangements is to place them on their back in their own bassinet or crib beside their mother's bed, or at least in the same room. This helps babies with their breathing during sleep and is correlated with a lower risk of SIDS, or Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.
Unsurprisingly, many fellow parents on Reddit felt this poked holes in the dad's justification for walking out on his partner just weeks into their child's life. For some, it made it seem like his real gripes were obvious — as one person put it, "I feel like this is more about you not getting some than your newborn needing her own bedroom."
Photo: Reddit
Their baby's sleeping arrangements aside, however, others were just astonished by the dad's seeming self-absorption.
As one Redditor put it, "You realize she just birthed your child, which is hard enough, but she is literally disabled…[and] you literally left for 3 days..."
There's no denying that the arrival of a new baby is a total upheaval of both parents' lives, but if the use of a bedroom is part of being a new dad that sends you out the door? Well, to quote this dad's mom and sister, "Man up... it's not about you."
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.