Mom Asks How To Change Boyfriend Who Asked Her To Put Her Child Up For Adoption Because He 'Deserves' Someone Who's Not 'Broken'
People felt like the main change she needed to make was finding a different boyfriend. As soon as humanly possible.
VALPAZOU / Getty Images, Graphexplossion via Canva, NadyaEugene / Shutterstock A single mom's struggle to navigate her relationship with her boyfriend and his feelings about his young daughter has left people online slack-jawed.
Being in a relationship with someone who doesn't like your kids is a very delicate situation. But as this mom shared in a Reddit post, her struggles with her boyfriend take things to a whole new level. And it's left people wondering why she would even consider staying with him.
The mom's boyfriend asked her to put her child up for adoption because he thinks he 'deserves' a child-free relationship.
Most parents would be like, "immediately no, get out," but this woman is not one of those parents. To be fair, she feels totally blind-sided, since they've been together for almost a year and her three-year-old daughter and her boyfriend have had a great relationship so far.
That all changed recently when her boyfriend became distant and withdrawn and she asked him to have a heart-to-heart with her — a request that has not left her feeling "like my life is going to end."
He told her he doesn't want to be in a relationship with someone who is 'broken' and has a child out of wedlock.
"Basically, he told me that he loves me," she writes, "but he doesn’t want to 'commit and start a life with someone who is broken.'" When she asked him to clarify, he not only brought up her single motherhood, but the "mess" of her estrangement from her father. He told her he "doesn't deserve to deal with" her difficulties.
She was then given an ultimatum. Her boyfriend asked her to put her child up for adoption by a "close family member who I trust," so that she can still easily see her daughter. If she wouldn't agree to this, the relationship was over.
Photo: @redditships / Twitter
Especially in light of the recent uproar over actor Jonah Hill's behavior towards his ex-girlfriend Sarah Brady, the mom's Reddit post has grabbed many people online's attention as an example of just how toxic some men have become toward the women in their lives.
But even more astonishing is the mom's response to her boyfriend. "I still have hope that I can possibly convince him to accept my daughter and continue his life with me," she writes, "but right now I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place."
Unsurprisingly, parenting experts and therapists say this issue is not even remotely negotiable.
As life and divorce coach Laura Bonarrigo has bluntly written for YourTango, "your role is to parent and to love [your kids]" above all — even if that means the relationship dies. Which seems like it should go without saying!
UK-based therapist Marian Hanson agrees that none of this is even up for discussion. She advises parents to "be clear and firm with your partner and let them know that you come as a package" and to tell their partner "you met me as a mother or as a father and you have to accept that."
And when it came to this mom on Reddit, her fellow Redditors were in utter disbelief she was even entertaining the notion of staying in the relationship after her boyfriend asked her to put her child up for adoption, and they did not mince words in saying so.
Some felt the mom was no better than her boyfriend, in fact, given the hurtful example she was setting for her child by even being willing to discuss this difference in opinion.
Photo: Reddit
And some cut right to the heart of the matter — the notion that this mom is "broken" for having a child" is in the end a clear case of double standards and misogyny, including internalized misogyny in the mom's case.
"This is a result of the BS thrust upon society by the religious and purity culture," one person wrote. "Nobody is broken or less than whole for their... reproductive choices." Hear, hear. Here's hoping this mom choosing to model for her daughter the right way to handle it.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.