Mom Called ‘Cruel’ For Making Autistic Nephew Leave Her Daughter’s Birthday Party
“I feel very guilty but I think I did the right thing.”
Pressmaster/Shutterstock A 33-year-old mom decided to kick her autistic nephew out of her daughter’s birthday party and asked the people of Reddit whether she had made the right call.
Posting to the “r/AmItheA–hole” (AITA) subreddit, where anonymous users seek out judgment and advice on interpersonal conflicts in their lives, the user prefaced that her sister has three children — Nick, Fin, and Lily — around the same age as her daughter, Jill. “My sister and I are usually very close,” she wrote. “Both Jill and Nick are autistic.”
She explains that during her daughter’s birthday party, she made her autistic nephew leave for causing a scene.
“For her 8th birthday Jill asked if she could have a party at our house because she has made friends at school this year,” the mother continued, adding that making friends has been something her daughter has struggled with in the past. “She also asked if she could invite her cousins and I agreed,” the mother wrote. “She really only wanted Lily there, but she wanted to also invite Fin and Nick so they didn’t feel left out. Fin didn’t come, but my sister basically forced Nick to come because he doesn’t usually get invited to birthday parties and social gatherings.”
However, when Nick showed up, he was sporting a Jedi costume for a non-themed birthday party. “It was the only way he agreed to come,” said Nick's mother.
While the user didn’t find an issue with her nephew’s bold fashion choice, the boy stayed in character throughout most of the party, which made Jill and her friends uncomfortable.
The mother decided to dissuade the situation from escalating by nudging her sister to talk to her son.
“He settled for a very brief period, but every time we would play a party game he would take over by loudly drawing attention to himself,” she wrote, and once it was time to sing happy birthday, Nick threw a tantrum in front of Jill and her friends.
“Jill cried and I asked my sister to take him home," the mother concluded.
Photo: Natali Kuzina / Shutterstock
Later that day, she received a phone call from a very unhappy sister who criticized her for not being more empathetic and making Nick leave the party — especially when she is autistic herself, having been diagnosed in adulthood. The user explains that although she does recognize her nephew’s struggles, she has to look out for her daughter, Jill, who also deals with the stigmas and challenges associated with autism.
As a result, the mother decided that her nephew wouldn’t be invited to future birthday parties for the time being. “I feel very guilty but I think I did the right thing.”
People ultimately agreed that this mom made the right call to make her nephew leave for the sake of her daughter.
Redditors flooded the comment section with the approval of her decision and assessed that, although it poses many difficulties, caring for a child with autism doesn’t offer an excuse for poor behavior.
“Your sister should have controlled and taken her son out to calm down every time he pulled a tantrum,” one person asserted. “She didn't, so he had to leave the party.” Another user pointed out her nephew’s reluctance to even attend the birthday party in the first place, writing, “[Nick] was obviously out of his element and he tried to make that clear. This was not the right party for him and his mother maybe should have known that.”
“He definitely needed to leave,” read another comment; however, they feel that going so far as to ban the 9-year-old from future parties might be taking it too far. "Kids change as they grow, and autistic or not, banning a kid for being disruptive at one party is too harsh.”
All in all, no one in the world is perfect, and although the mother’s decision was justified, everyone deserves a second chance.
Xiomara is a writer based in New York covering human interest topics for YourTango’s news and entertainment team.