Mom Asks Advice About Her Husband's 'Temper' After He Hits Their Baby — 'I Feel Like My Head Was Buried In The Sand'
"My kids are wondering why I'm still with my husband. How did I not notice their feelings?"
Drazen Zigic / Shutterstock / Nathan Cowley / Pexels / PRAIRAT_FHUNTA from pixabay via Canva Pro A woman has candidly opened up about feeling "heartbroken" after hearing how her children really feel about their father. The since-deleted Reddit post, which was originally shared to the "r/relationship_advice" subreddit and later shared to other forums, captured the oftentimes grim reality for many women who are in domestic abuse situations.
Her children admitted that they fear their father and his violent temper.
In her Reddit post, she explained that she and her husband have been together for 24 years and married for 15. Together they share a 13-year-old daughter, a 10-year-old son, and an 18-month-old baby. The one issue that she has with her husband, is his terrible temper.
She recalled that he would often punch holes in the walls of their house and have violent outbursts that their older children witnessed on multiple occasions. She didn't quite realize just how much her husband's behavior was scaring their children, however, until both her son and daughter admitted that they didn't understand how their mom could stay with their dad because of his temper.
"I didn't think it was a big deal because it was never directed at them. If anything I thought I'm the one usually having to punish them, he's the 'fun' one," she wrote. When she tried to confront her husband and confide in him about what their children said, he brushed away their fears and claimed that it was "good" they were scared of him.
During their conversation, her husband became angry and hit their baby.
"I don't know what to make of that. Was he being sarcastic/funny or serious?" she questioned. She noted that while speaking to him about his temper, he had been feeding their baby, who had suddenly kicked her husband's food and stuck it into the bowl.
This set him off, and he immediately hit the baby on the leg so hard that it left fingerprints and raised skin, which caused the baby to burst into tears, naturally. The couple's eldest son had been in the room when it happened and instantly began to cry at seeing his father hit his sibling. When she asked him how he felt about it, he admitted that he felt his dad didn't care about him, or his other siblings, and only cared about himself.
"I know my husband loves us, [and] spends time with us, overall I thought he was a great dad. His anger has never been directed at us. He doesn't ALWAYS hit the baby, this was the first time," she continued. "I don't know what to do. My kids are wondering why I'm still with my husband. I feel like my head was buried in the sand. How did I not notice their feelings?"
She sadly believed that they were a loving family, and thought her husband was not this type of person, but after hearing how panicked her children are when around their father, she's questioning what the best way would be to fix it.
"My kids were seriously asking why I'm still with him and how I can love him. I love him and I am very much still in love with him. He is my best friend. I feel like I'm letting my kids down and disappointing them by still loving my husband."
It can be a challenging decision for someone to realize they are in an abusive relationship and leave.
This woman's heartbreaking reality and the realization that her husband is being physically and emotionally abusive to both her and their children is something that may seem obvious from an outside perspective. But it's important to approach this topic with empathy and understanding, as deciding to leave an abusive relationship is something that is both complex and challenging.
According to Domestic Violence Facts & Stats, it takes an average of seven attempts for a survivor to leave their abuser permanently. Sadly, the moment of leaving an abusive relationship is also the most dangerous, and when children are involved, many women feel the need to keep their family together, no matter what.
The mother's admittance that she felt like her "head was buried in the sand," is both a heartbreaking realization and a common sentiment. It's crucial to note that no one should be made to feel foolish or naive to have missed the signs of how an abusive relationship may have been affecting their children.
As Psychology Today explains, it's normal for individuals in abusive relationships to engage in a form of self-preservation through denial. Denying the acts of abuse can allow them to protect themselves emotionally from the painful reality of abuse. In the same vein, engaging in cognitive dissonance can also help them reconcile their partner's abusive behavior with their perception of a loving, supportive relationship.
Being able to acknowledge abuse, especially when it threatens the safety and well-being of one's children, is a courageous step toward healing and recovery. Remember, no one is ever alone or to blame for the abuse they may have endured. Abuse may have cast a shadow over one's life, but with the right support and resources, there is hope for a brighter future ahead.
Domestic abuse can happen to anyone and is not a reflection of who you are or anything you've done wrong.
If you feel as though you may be in danger, there is support available through the National Domestic Violence Hotline by calling 1-800-799-7233. If you’re unable to speak safely, text LOVEIS to 1-866-331-9474, or log onto thehotline.org.
Nia Tipton is a Chicago-based entertainment, news, and lifestyle writer whose work delves into modern-day issues and experiences.