Married Woman Asks If It Is Appropriate To Go To Fancy Restaurant Alone With Her Male Friend After His Divorce — 'It Makes My Husband Uncomfortable'
She claims that their friendship is "entirely platonic" but her husband still feels uneasy by their dinner outing.
oneinchpunch / pathdoc / Shutterstock A woman has sparked an important discussion surrounding marriage etiquette after she detailed her close relationship with her male friend who recently got divorced.
The woman claims that her friendship with the man is starting to make her husband feel uneasy, although she says that her husband “trusts” her and she personally does not see an issue with continuing to have a close relationship with her friend.
The woman is now asking others for their opinion on the situation.
The woman has been hanging out with a male friend often since he recently got divorced.
Sharing her story to the U.K.-based parenting forum, Mumsnet, the woman reveals that a good friend of hers, who happens to be male, is going through a difficult and sudden divorce from his wife.
“We have been good friends from before his last relationship, throughout the marriage, etc., and are quite close,” the woman wrote. However, she describes their friendship as “entirely mutually platonic.” “We meet up for walks, the occasional drink, etc. sometimes alone sometimes with friends.”
The woman says that her husband knows her friend and is aware of how often they hang out together and that it has never been an issue in their marriage. However, the two have been hanging out more than usual due to his divorce since the man is obviously going through a difficult time.
The man invited the woman out for a fancy dinner using a voucher he received as a wedding gift.
Most of the wedding gifts the woman’s now-divorced friend received were in the form of restaurant vouchers that he and his wife could go on date nights to. Since he would no longer be able to bring her, he asked the woman if she would like to go with him to one of the upscale restaurants he received a voucher for.
The woman shares that the particular restaurant is one she cannot afford and one where her husband is not a fan of the menu.
Photo: puhhha / Shutterstock
The woman's husband believes that it is inappropriate for her to go out to dinner with her friend.
“He thinks it's inappropriate because it’s a fancy meal, I'm married, he's not anymore and seems like a date,” the woman explained.
She admits that had her friend asked her out to the restaurant without the voucher while he was still married, she too would have believed it to be inappropriate. However, given the circumstances and her longtime friendship with the man, the woman does not believe that it is disrespectful to her husband to go out to dinner with her friend.
She believes that her husband will “get over it” since he “trusts” her, but asks other Mumsnet users if she is “thinking with her belly” and if the situation is entirely inappropriate.
The woman received mixed responses to her dilemma.
Some people believed that there was no harm in meeting up with someone of the opposite sex for dinner even if you are married.
“I would and have gone for dinner with a male friend who was recently divorced. My husband sometimes doesn't like it but he knows that his thoughts are entirely unreasonable on the matter,” one user shared. “I understand why it might make your husband uncomfortable but he needs to suck it up as you've given no reason for it to seem suspicious.”
“The OP's [original poster’s] husband wouldn't like to go to this restaurant anyway so I don't see the problem,” another user pointed out.
“Who cares what anyone else thinks? A free fancy dinner with a friend sounds great,” another user added.
However, other users thought that it was inappropriate for the woman to go out to a fancy dinner without her husband.
“I think it's a bit off. My ex-husband's best friend is a female and he would do anything for her but when we were together he would never have gone somewhere really nice without me,” one user revealed. “Also, do you think it's something you want your husband to ‘get over?’ It could potentially cause a real rift in your relationship.”
“It wouldn't feel right to me. I'd be hosting a meal at home instead, supportive together with your husband,” another user wrote.
The big question of whether or not it is appropriate to remain friends and go out to dinner with someone of the opposite sex while you are in a heterosexual marriage all depends on a couple’s own relationship boundaries.
If you are uncomfortable with your spouse being friends and spending time with someone of the opposite sex, it is worth having a conversation so that they understand your feelings.
Your partner’s boundaries and respect for them should always come before a friend’s request for a fancy dinner, even if the friendship is entirely platonic.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.