A Dad Is Estranged From His Daughter After She Made Accusations Against Her Mom – 20 Years Later He Finds Out The Truth
You can be around a person forever and still not know them.
Iren_Geo, Altanaka, Fizkes / Shutterstock As a parent, it is your job to protect your kids from harm. But what do you do when your child accuses their other parent, the partner that you know and love, of abusing them? Who do you believe?
One man chose to believe his wife, a decision that alienated his daughter for years to come and one that he would live to regret.
In a post originally shared in the r/BestofRedditorUpdates subreddit and later recited on the Reddit Stories TikTok account, a 55-year-old man said that his 50-year-old wife had finally admitted that she had abused their daughter, now 29, over twenty years ago. He was struggling with what to do about it.
He openly admitted that he has "not been the greatest father" during his children's upbringing.
He spent most of his time working, so he was not really present in their lives despite his best efforts. His wife, who he has been married to for over 30 years, was a stay-at-home mom who took care of their son and daughter while he pursued his career. High school sweethearts, he called her the "love of his life," a testament to the wonderful marriage they shared.
The man said that his daughter and wife have always had a contentious relationship and he struggled to referee the two. Now, their son remains at home with them at 30 years old, while their daughter has distanced herself from them and lives on her own.
In the past, she had accused her mother of being verbally, emotionally, and physically abusive to her. The family sought therapy and was told that the accusations were unfounded and that the girl was simply looking for attention.
Their son never reported any abuse at the hands of his mother, furthering the belief that his sister was lying.
The frustrated father acknowledged that his wife could be overly strict at times and he'd asked her not to be so harsh with the kids, but says it never rose to the level of abuse. But his daughter claimed to have been slapped around, to have had things thrown at her, and to have been verbally abused in the form of calling her names like fat, stupid, ugly, and worthless.
He found it hard to believe that the woman he loved could be so callous toward her own child, so defended her and tried to "smooth things over" with their daughter.
When she was grown, she fled the home immediately, blaming her departure on her mother's actions.
"She never returned home for longer than a day visit. She officially cut us off over a year ago after a fight with her mother over the phone that I did not witness, and we have not heard from her since," he recalled.
That particular disagreement was said to be over babysitting arrangements for their daughter's child but he could not verify as the young woman has cut all contact with her parents, opting to skip family funerals, dodge attempts at reconciliation, and even neglect to invite them to her wedding.
It had been 20 years since she left their lives.
Unable to cope with the estrangement of his daughter the man began going to therapy to seek understanding.
He was able to work through his grief and accept that he had not been there for his daughter in the past, though he hoped they could reconnect in the future. Because he was making progress, he had his wife join him eventually, and later she started attending on her own. That led to his wife asking him to sit in on one of her sessions for support and what he found out when he attended blew his mind.
The mother of his children confessed that their daughter had been telling the truth.
During her therapy, she had come to terms with the reality of her actions and sought to mend the relationship between herself and her daughter, but first had to be upfront about what she had done. To make matters worse, that final argument between her and the estranged young lady occurred because she had verbally abused her granddaughter in the same way.
He walked out of the counseling session, physically ill and horrified over what he had heard.
The man is overcome with guilt over taking his wife's side and believing that his daughter was a liar when she begged him to help her. He blames himself for enabling the abuse and doesn't think his formerly happy marriage can survive the revelation. He had left home to stay at his brother's house, but his wife had made a barrage of phone calls pleading for communication and berating him for his perceived lack of support.
Their therapist encouraged him to come back in so she could help them move forward but advised that he take his time to process everything. Nevertheless, he pushed ahead with divorce proceedings and found a new therapist, with the intention of finding his daughter, apologizing to her, and hopefully making up for lost time. His son has remained loyal to his mother and doesn't want a relationship with his sister, despite all that has come to light.
We should always believe those who say they have been abused.
Of course, everyone accused of abusing someone is innocent until proven guilty, but at the very least, the possibility that the victim is telling the truth should be the default mindset. More than 600,000 kids are abused in the United States each year. In 2021, over 1800 of those abuse cases resulted in the death of a child. And parents are the abusers of their own children in 77% of the instances when a child is victimized, so this mother hurting her own daughter was not out of the ordinary.
Your heart has to go out to the dad in this instance. He did what he thought was the right thing by taking his daughter to therapy and trying to corroborate her story with the son. But just because one child is victimized doesn't necessarily mean their siblings will be, too. It was reasonable for him to believe the woman he knew and loved was capable of such heinous things. If anyone is at fault, it's the mother.
With counseling and accountability, hopefully, he can repair the fracture in the relationship with his daughter.
If you or someone you know is the victim of child abuse, contact the Childhelp National Child Abuse Hotline and your local law enforcement agency.
NyRee Ausler is a writer from Seattle, Washington. She covers lifestyle, relationships, and human-interest stories that readers can relate to and that bring social issues to the forefront for discussion.