Gay Man & Straight Woman Tired Of Dating Hatch Plan To Marry Each Other, And They're Onto Something
Dating is a nightmare and dating men especially is a challenge. Should gay men and straight women just date each other instead?
@robbiesmoonmusic, @findingdeidre / TikTok There's no two ways about it — most of the time, dating is a nightmare. And dating men? Well, with all due respect, that comes with a whole other set of challenges.
One straight woman and a gay man on TikTok have really had it with the whole thing, so much so they've come up with an unlikely solution. And as bonkers as it may sound, they just might be onto something.
The pair say gay men and straight women should just marry each other so they don't have to date men anymore.
Now, of course, they're kidding... mostly. But the TikTokers, Deidre and Robbie, seem to have formed a social media friendship based on their common exasperation with dating men. And in discussing it in a series of TikToks, they've landed on an idea that seems like its time has come: gay men and straight women should just marry each other and be done with it.
Both say they are proof that sexuality isn't a choice because neither would choose to be attracted to men if given the option.
In fact, it was this topic that started it all. Robbie, known as @robbiesmoonmusic on the app, posted a TikTok response to another man trotting out the tired claim that being gay is a choice.
Speaking for many, many a gay man (the one writing this included), he posted a rebuttal stating that if he were actually given a choice, he'd pick women, hands down.
He went on to say that all straight men should be relieved and grateful that sexuality isn't a choice, because if it were, "There would not be a single person on this planet attracted to men. Okay? Like, the only thing keeping straight men from turning into a relic is the fact that sexuality is not a choice."
Now, we're all adults here and this shouldn't need to be stipulated, but God knows it does, so I will: of course not all men are troublesome. But pretty much anyone who's dated men can probably relate to Robbie's tough words.
We are in the midst of a national divorce epidemic due largely to men's insensitivity and refusal to be equal partners, after all. We're also in the throes of a virulent tide of resurgent politicized misogyny. All of this stuff impacts gay men, too.
Homophobia, whether internalized or outward, is just misogyny at its core, and there are a lot of gay men out there doing the whole toxic masculinity thing, too — and even joining the same misogynistic crusades.
No doubt about it, these are troubling times if you're a person who dates men, which is why, when Deidre saw Robbie's TikTok, she quickly responded in agreement. As she simply put it, "it's really trash out here for people who are attracted to men."
She proposed that gay men and straight women link up with each other and just 'use men' for sex when they need it.
A bold suggestion, to be sure. But the more Deidre and Robbie started hashing this out, the more it started making sense.
Deidre shared Robbie's wish that sexuality was a choice, too. "I always say, like, if I could choose my sexuality, I would absolutely choose women," she said, going on to say she wasn't surprised to hear from Robbie that many gay men have had it with men, too.
"So I feel like we should just couple up, right?" she asked. "We should just live together, create communities, raise babies together, and then just have a little side piece that we could just get some from when we want some a couple of times a year." Did she just land on the new American dream?
For Robbie's part, he was immediately on board. He posted another TikTok responding to Deidre, in which he said he received tons of comments from other straight women feeling exactly the same as he and Deidre. So he laid out his bold vision for their life together as married gay man and straight woman wife.
And it was basically everything that straight men, and a lot of gay men too, have trouble with: emotional intimacy, companionship, mutual support and compliments, and even knowing instinctively that they'd both prefer turkey in their homemade chili over beef: "it doesn't give us that dreaded post dinner bloating."
He also agreed with Deidre's sex-on-the-side plan, adding, "No jealousy, no drama, no strings attached. We don't [expletive] care."
There's reason to believe Robbie and Deidre's plan is actually plausible, according to recent data.
Robbie and Deidre are obviously sort of kidding. But again, only sort of, and a recent study by the Pew Research Center shows that when it comes to attitudes like theirs, times are definitely changing.
Pew recently did a sweeping study on Americans' attitudes toward issues like divorce and sexuality, and the data they compiled shows that, to some extent, the bloom is off the rose when it comes to traditional partnerships, despite far-right movements' efforts to drag us back to the 1950s (or worse).
For instance, Pew found that a 55% majority of adults think people stay way too long in unhappy marriages, as opposed to 43% who think people are too quick to get divorced. And Americans now value close friends far more than marriage — just 23% said marriage was important to their happiness, compared to 61% who said close friendships are. Yeah, Deidre and Robbie are definitely onto something.
And when it comes to the open marriages they're suggesting? Well, non-LGBTQ+ Americans, in general, are still pretty buttoned-up about all that, with half of all adults saying it's unacceptable. But when it comes to Americans under 30, more than half are on-board with reimagining the traditional marriage and having more leeway in their relationships.
It's hard not to put that statistic about friendship and that statistic about open marriages together and not think Robbie and Deidre are really onto something. And for Deidre's part at least, she's locked and loaded to give it a try.
As she put it in another video reply to Robbie, "The ground turkey is already in the fridge, babe, I got two packs." Sounds like the start of a beautiful partnership.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.