Father Refuses To Pay For His Daughter's Wedding Since She Will Not Let Him Walk Her Down The Aisle
While the bride claims that the tradition is sexist and outdated, the father is heartbroken that he will be excluded on the big day.
Akvals / Inside Creative House / Shutterstock After a father was denied a request that he always dreamed of doing with his daughter on her wedding day, he decided that he would not be funding the event.
While some people agreed with the father, others argued that his daughter has a point and that the tradition she has denied him is “sexist” and “outdated.”
The father says that he is refusing to pay for his daughter’s wedding after she told him that he could not walk her down the aisle.
One father took to the subreddit, r/AmITheA–hole seeking advice after his daughter refused him to walk her down the aisle at her upcoming wedding. In retaliation, he is now refusing to pay for her wedding.
The 48-year-old father described his 19-year-old daughter as an “independent thinker,” writing, “I raised her to be independent and think for herself, which I've always appreciated.” he wrote. This independence has posed an issue for the father lately.
The man revealed that his daughter wants to do away with the tradition of having her father walk her down the aisle at her wedding. “She argues that her mother and I don't "own" her, therefore we have no right to ‘give her away,’” he wrote.
In traditional wedding ceremonies, the bride’s father often walks her down the aisle to hand her off to the groom.
The tradition dates back centuries ago when women were considered property of their fathers, and they would give away their daughters in exchange for a dowry.
“Fathers walking their daughter down the aisle and giving their daughter, the bride, away represented a transfer of ownership from her father to her new husband,” explained Lara Mahler, the owner, and Chief planner of “THE PRIVILEGE IS MINE” wedding planning company in New York City, to BRIDES.
However over time, the custom has taken on a new meaning, and some families view it as a sign of love and respect a father demonstrates toward his daughter and the unification of two families. “The tradition of the father walking the bride down the aisle has evolved from what it was to it being a gesture of uniting families and showing love and respect for the new marriage,” Mahler adds.
Photo: Yunhyok Choi / Shutterstock
The father admits that he feels “hurt” by this since he has never treated his daughter as an object or a piece of property, and has done everything he could to provide her with “a wonderful life.”
“Her stance seems extreme to me and despite discussions, she's refusing to budge on the issue,” the man wrote. “I respect her choices, but I feel she's disregarding our feelings completely.”
The father informed his daughter that if she does not want him to walk her down the aisle, he will not be paying for any part of her wedding.
"I don't want to come across as controlling or manipulative. It's true, I don't ‘own’ her, and I also don't owe her a fully-funded wedding,” he shared. “She can pay for her own wedding if she's insistent on this stance.”
The father believes that “independent thinking” should not equivalate to rude or selfish thinking. “She's had every opportunity in life so far, and to exclude us from this day is a spit in the face. It's a rejection of everything we've done for her, sacrificed for her, given her. It's selfish,” he added.
Readers were split on whether or not the father was in the wrong.
Some Redditors agreed with the father’s decision.
“You heard her. She is independent. Independent people deal with their own bills,” one user pointed out.
“The tradition that the parents of the bride pay for their daughter's wedding not their son's is equally sexist. She should have no problem with both traditions being dropped,” another user commented.
However, other users argued that the tradition of a father walking the bride down the aisle was sexist and that he was using his money to threaten her for not wanting to participate in the tradition.
“In other words, you own her if she wants your support. She's not allowed to think for herself if you're paying. Translation: Do as I say or I will emotionally and financially blackmail you!” one user wrote.
“Your child isn’t saying that you treated your children like property, but they probably see the symbolism and where this tradition stems from and don’t wish to participate. Try to respect your child’s independent thinking and point of view, and you shouldn’t expect your children to always compromise their principles because of your feelings,” another user noted.
Others were torn about the situation, believing that while parents should not be expected to pay for their children's weddings, they should be expected to respect their child’s wishes as to what they want their wedding day to look like.
The father followed up on his original post, claiming that the situation would not break the relationship between himself and his daughter and that he and the rest of the family are still invited to the wedding.
“We disagree, but that doesn't mean it's a relationship-ending event,” he shared. “My daughter has also agreed to figure out a way to include us in a way that doesn't involve ‘giving her away.’”
The father has also decided to provide his daughter with a cash gift that is equivalent to the budget of her older sister’s wedding, which he paid for. “She can use this for whatever she wants,” he wrote.
The tradition of fathers walking their daughters down the aisles on their wedding day is not set in stone.
Brides can opt to have both their parents walk them, they can walk themselves or they can choose anyone who is not a father figure. These are ideal alternatives for those who do not wish to participate in the tradition or those who do not have or who've lost their fathers.
According to a poll conducted by Easy Weddings, a little over half of 1,776 brides reported that they planned on having their fathers walk them down the aisle while 7% shared that their mothers would be walking them, 10% with both parents and 12% walking down solo.
The remaining 13% shared that a friend or relative would be walking them down the aisle.
Megan Quinn is a writer at YourTango who covers entertainment and news, self, love, and relationships.