Dad Refuses To Let His Son Move In After Finding Out Why His Pregnant Wife Kicked Him Out
His wife thinks he's being harsh, but he's insisting on setting an example even in his son's adulthood.
JackF | Canva Parenting doesn't end when your kids turn 18, of course, and sometimes adult chidren's actions present their parents with the dilemma of whether to support them, or be an example to them.
One dad online has found himself in this situation after his adult son's marriage imploded, and he's getting applauded by many people for taking a stand against his son's actions.
The dad refused to let his son move in after finding out why his pregnant wife kicked him out.
Most parents want to be there for their kids through thick and thin, no matter what, even well into adulthood. But sometimes parental love is simply no match for their kids' actions and choices, and they're forced to make the difficult choose between looking the other way, or setting a firm boundary.
As he shared in a post to Reddit, the dad found himself in a situation that will be familiar to many parents of adult children — his son asked to stay with him and his wife after he began having problems with his wife, who is pregnant with their first child and suffering from a dangerous condition called placenta preavia.
The dad's son had been staying in his home after lying about the marital problems he was having with his pregnant wife.
"He came to stay with us because 'she was having crazy pregnancy hormones,'" he wrote in his post, going on to say that every time his son would call his wife, they would have a huge fight. But it turned out that his son wasn't remotely telling the truth about the situation.
The dad found out that his son had actually cheated on his wife while she was bed-ridden due to her dangerous pregnancy.
"After a couple of days we told him to go see if she calmed down," the dad went on to say. "My wife called her to check in on her and found out the truth."
After talking with their daughter-in-law's mother, they found out the real reason their son's wife had kicked him out. "She is on bedrest. It would be dangerous for her to have sex," he writes, "so my... son decided that he should cheat."
Obviously, he was infuriated with his son's actions, particularly since he'd lied about it. "When he got home from work I told him he needed to get out of my house," he explained. "My wife tried to say that I was being too hard on him, that I should just give them a chance to work things out."
But he insisted he was "willing to die on this hill" because he is so disgusted by his son's actions. "I can't even look at him. I don't want such a stupid boy in my house."
People praised the dad for taking a stand, and some therapists say maintaining boundaries with adult children in situations like this is vital.
The man's wife may feel like he's being too hard on their son, but people on Reddit vehemently disagreed. Many praised the dad for his "integrity," and accused his wife of "enabling" their son's egregious behavior. And several pointed out the obvious — the son is a grown man and isn't entitled to his parents' caretaking, especially after lying to them to get it in the first place.
Surely, this is a sticky situation and many will reflexively feel like a father owes it to his child to accept and help him, no matter what. There is something to be said for that kind of unconditional acceptance, and there's a degree to which this likely has made his son feel like his feelings have been invalidated.
But there's also something to be said for making boundaries and sticking to them, even with your own children — and especially when they've done something truly indefensible. In fact, some therapists say that when it comes to parent-child relationships, boundaries are actually a two-way street, and solving their child's problems for them is one of the key ways a parent can accidentally violate them.
Dr. Katherine Agranovich told us that swooping in to solve everything — like, say, letting your son move in with you after he purposefully and very cruelly blew up his own life — can "project feelings of helplessness" and [impose] "a victim mentality" onto a child of any age. "This robs [them] of the ability to listen to their own inner voice and find solutions," she said, inadvertently violating the child's boundaries and agency in a sort of backhanded way.
She also warns that "kids who are not used to hearing no, and who are not held responsible for their actions, tend to grow up egocentric and inconsiderate of the needs of others." This man's son is obviously an adult now, of course, but that aside, this fits him to a tee.
It certainly couldn't have been easy for this dad to tell his son to kick rocks, and it probably has hurt his son's feelings to some degree. But as the old saying goes, you never stop parenting, even when your kids are adults.
And, in this case, this dad just might have done his son a favor by standing up for what's right, even if it makes his son's situation a bit harder.
John Sundholm is a news and entertainment writer who covers pop culture, social justice and human interest topics.