Why I Was Only In Love With The Idea Of You

The "perfect guy" who I thought was still out there no longer existed.

Why I Was Only In Love With The Idea Of You Summer loveee / Shutterstock
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When I was in high school, I became hopelessly infatuated with a guy who seemed to be perfect.

He was one of those popular, really good-looking guys who a lot of girls had a crush on. I got acquainted with him through a mutual friend.

Sadly, our friendship never went further than a “hello” or a “how are you” when we bumped into each other in the halls. And when this usual greeting was also accompanied by a hug, I would be on cloud nine.

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At the time I thought I was getting to know the type of person that he was. I would see him interacting with his friends and would assume that he was a fun, social guy. I would create an image of him based on what I heard other people say about him, too.

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As I collected all these details, I started to believe that he was the unattainable, perfect guy who I would never get a chance to actually go out with.

As I look back, I never really got to know him during my time in high school. Everything I knew about him was based on misconceptions and assumptions.

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Now I realize that I might not have had a crush on him at all.

I was most likely just crushing on the “idea” of him that I had created in my mind after seeing trivial things about him and thinking he was so nice and perfect.

I overanalyzed all his words and gestures and I involuntarily had created a different person than he really was.

A year or so out of high school, we reconnected. Needless to say, I was ecstatic! This time I really made an effort to get to know this “perfect” guy. We would have deep conversations and I finally got to know the real person behind that pretty face.

The problem now was that I couldn’t rekindle my feelings for him.

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He seemed to be a completely different person than what I had expected. I could no longer recognize the person who I thought I knew back in high school. His sense of humor, his attitude, and even his values seemed to be completely different.

At first, I thought the problem was in me and that I couldn’t let go of the idea of him that I had created all those years ago. But then I realized that he could have also just changed over the years to become a different person himself.

As I got to know the guy who I thought I already knew, I realized that the past should be left in the past.

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The absence of the “chase” was definitely not the issue here, it was definitely much deeper.

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I was no longer interested in him because my infatuation with this “perfect” guy was at its expiration point a long time ago. However, I was happy that I got to know the actual person who turned out to be completely different from what I had expected after all these years.

I had filled in all the missing pieces of the puzzle that made him so desirable to me and replaced some pieces I really liked with ones that I didn’t like at all.

The complete image of my old crush was no longer appealing to me. I was even sad to realize that “the perfect guy” who I thought was still out there no longer existed.

The memory of my high school crush was ruined for me as I realized how silly I was to imagine him to be the person who he really wasn’t.

I am happy I got to see this person after all these years. In a way, I got a form of closure that the high school girl in me was still craving.

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I also learned that living in the past is never an option, because even I’m not the same person I was a couple of years ago. I have different priorities and I have different expectations.

I have developed into an independent woman who I am proud of in lots of ways. I am no longer the insecure girl who I was when I was still in high school. My outlook on life completely changed, and I will keep developing and changing as I get older.

Learning to let go and accept new things that come your way is an inevitable part of life.

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Crushes come and go, there is no point of hanging on to them after their expiration date.

RELATED: How To Stop Crushing On Every Person You Meet

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